Liz Doyle

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the Positive Change Coach

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the Positive Change Coach

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Gently Step Into Your Power 

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Step Into Your Power. Image showing a lady flexing her muscles withe the title text "Step into your power" with Liz Royal the positive change coach.

Step into your power

Do you ever feel you have given away your power?

Or was your power taken from you many years ago and you’ve never known how to properly claim it with grace?

Do you feel that the past can come along and trigger you and you feel you’re right back there in old patterns with the same old disempowering stories?

It happens to all of us, why do you think I’m sharing this blog?!!

Some “stuff” has been happening to me recently which inspired me to share this.

By the time you’ve finished reading this, I want you to feel empowered to put a voice to the trauma and the pain. 

And to also embrace your shadow.

AND to feel that you are safe to gently step into your power whatever that means to you.

Let's start by defining what I mean by gently stepping into your power ​

It’s not about shouting from the rooftops or demanding attention. 

It’s about a quiet inner strength, a knowing that allows you to make decisions with confidence, set boundaries, and pursue your goals with grace and determination.

But that ain’t always that easy is it?

It could the people closest to us who know how to push our buttons, just trigger us in some way.

Or it might be a long distant memory that comes roaring back into our lives, and it feels like we are being de-railed.

However, we can begin again and know that we are actually far further along our path than our minds can lead us to believe.

Let’s connect with the heart and open the heart to move through any feelings of hopelessness, isolation or disconnection.

Because you are not alone. I am here, with you and for you.

So, if something I share in this blog resonates, drop me an email as this is all part of the healing and digging down a little deeper than maybe you have ever done before.

If you’re reading this, right now, I believe your higher self, led you here.

Recently, I found myself right in the middle of a trauma response that left me falling into a black, bottomless well and this still isn’t easy to admit.

None of my tools were getting me out – my inner critic was working round the clock.

I was judging myself for being in that place, despite all that I know and all of the work I’ve already done and god dammit, I share in my coaching.

I felt like I was in a purgatory of not yet becoming my true self and I felt like a fraud.

I found myself standing still.

Not being able to do anything because I was so overwhelmed by the feelings of rejection, abandonment, and isolation.

Of course, I understand this all goes back to my childhood, but these feelings can still, albeit very rarely, rear their ugly heads and send me into a downward spiral of regret, shame, and guilt.

I decided to feel all the feelings after I did a bit of hiding and numbing and freezing!!

The biggest thing that came from it was I wanted to turn up here and share some of the pain because I know these trauma responses are not only experienced by me.

I know I’m not alone feeling lost in my trauma response even if I do feel alone and confused. Or am I?

I am gently reminding myself that it’s okay to trip over the rocks on my path from time to time.

I’m also reminding myself that it’s safe for me to stop rejecting the inner parts of myself that I dislike or even despise. 

I want to accept my shadow self.

It’s not easy but that’s what loving myself completely is all about, isn’t it?

So, by meditating, reflecting, and listening to courses on Inside Timer, I realised this is all part of my healing.

I’m being called to get to that deep, deep old story.

And my soul is asking me to take a moment to process – to sit with it.

I am acknowledging these sensations and trying not to judge them and that is AS important as all the active work.

Recovering parts of myself is helping to bring me more clarity but it took me a while to know what to do next. 

That’s why I’m here – I wanted to turn up with all of this rawness and vulnerability.

What is your story?

What is your trauma response?

Do you live your life thinking that you have to be strong and just get on with life?

It doesn’t really work, does it?

Through the years we can be repeating the patterns from our origin story, our childhood.

Does any of what I’m about to share resonate with you? If so, declare it because you’re owning that shadow.

  • Never feeling enough
  • Having no compassion for yourself
  • Beating yourself up with self-talk that doesnothing but disempower you (and that might be despite all the success you have achieved in your life)
  • Being engulfed by fear every single day
  • Feeling anxious
  • People pleasing
  • Never really feeling true happiness

Is it time to meet your shadows?

To feel the sadness, the fear, the anger, the shame, the regret, the guilt, the resentment… 

Time to accept and feel all of those emotions?

Have true self-compassion?

Let go of judging yourself.

Actually, feeling pride for yourself and seeing who you really are?

It can be a painful process and yet a wonderful one.

Feeling truly connected and peaceful.

Being grateful and looking forward to being present in your life whether there is tragedy or happiness

Because you are never alone, even when you feel you are.

There is help if you are willing to trust and know that you are always worthy

What you have been burying so deeply and so successfully for so long is waiting to erupt.

You are uncovering those old stories that are deeply buried in your consciousness, in your body, that you might not even be really aware of.

As they are revealed, you will understand the roadblocks that are in your way.

We can't release what we don't know we're holding

Whether you have gone through a traumatic experience many, many years ago or quite recently you can come out the other side stronger understanding how you can stand in your own power.
You have the wisdom and the understanding within you.

It’s just about trusting yourself and listening to your heart, to your soul and to your higher self.

I definitely had the dark night of the soul recently and I haven’t been there in such a long time, and it was bad.

I felt I was coming undone but by sharing this with you, I am trusting that this is all part of my journey.

First of all though, we need to be patient and sit and meditate in our safe space.

That might be under your blankets and soft pillows and that’s okay. Wait and ask and meditate.

I came across this quote the other day and it really spoke to me:

“Don’t just do something, stand there.” 

Originally said by the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.

There is no rush to work it all out at once – trust the process.

Then when you’re ready, ask yourself :

A photo of a white rabbit with the quote "Don't just do something, stand there" from Alice in Wonderland

Is the next cycle of my life ready to begin?

Are you ready to step gently into your power?

Learn to trust again and I know that’s not easy to do if you’ve left toxic situations or relationships. Healing those old wounds takes time, sometimes a long time, I know!

Listening to the shadow gives us great insights to our stories and our patterns.

For instance:

“I am worthless if I am abandoned” 

means you hold onto the fear of abandonment to avoid your lack of self esteem.

Fill in the need for worthiness by discovering the root cause embedded in your childhood.

Allow this blog to feel like a warm, comfy blanket wrapping you up so that you feel safe and cared for and cherished.

What is choosing you right now?

Don’t force yourself to make a choice about what you want the rest of your life to be.

Just get curious about the little things that are entering your field of interest right now, even if they’re not screaming out loud:

“This is the thing – choose THIS thing now” 

Sometimes this in between moment is about grieving for what you’ve lost. It’s about being curious without feeling the drag of indecision or shoulding all over yourself.

Be proud of yourself. Be proud of your strength even if you feel lost and lonely, be proud of yourself.

You can change your story one step at a time

So many of us have had experiences and situations that we had to navigate during our childhood with parents who may not have been able to express or understand emotions.

After years of maybe even hating yourself, you can discover that you are your rock and you always have been throughout your entire journey.

Keep going in healing and learning to love yourself first.

Going through deep, deep pain, a pain so unbelievably deep that you didn’t know you would survive, well, it can feel that we have touched the bottom.

But you did survive.

The pain might still be there but trust that it can transform into something so beautiful.

Learning to respect yourself and to just love yourself so that you can let go all these old patterns.

But to also love yourself and be compassionate with yourself when they might reappear from time to time because they sure can!!!

Your love for yourself is growing - trust me on that!

Filling your whole self with that love and expanding and connecting to everything, to moments of pure beauty, to moments of pure grace will become more and more frequent and will last longer and longer.

BUT it is okay if the deep pain rises back up to the surface now and again.

That shadow, does it ever completely go?

I don’t think it does, but life does become easier and more joyful the more we can love ourselves.

Have you shut yourself down throughout your life to keep the peace and you might still do it?

From your childhood and now as an adult?

If so, this is the time to break through this deep-seated pattern.

This is your time to honour your own intrinsic wisdom and guidance.

It is time to speak your truth when you feel it within you.

Asking for what you need and not shrinking back even if your request is met with resistance.

When you do this, you honour yourself.

It’s time to rescue that little girl who had no voice or ability to be herself.

It can take such a long time to allow the deepest truth to surface.

My old default position was to fall into depression and feel hopeless. That feeling came back to me recently and it was hard!

Early conditioning means we can learn very early on and have a very deep subconscious belief that we cannot be our whole self. That by showing up as your true self is just too much for others.

If you felt that way as a child, you might have learned to hide your true self away by all sorts of survival strategies.

Maybe you felt you could only show up as perfect or how others need you.

Somehow being your true self was and is overwhelming for others. Or you won’t get what you really want in life because you feel unworthy.

Do you have abandonment issues?

Dealing with abandonment issues takes time.

Lots of situations can trigger feelings of abandonment or rejection.

For example, when a partner just wants some time alone or maybe a short break with friends.

Fights can start and you didn’t mean to fight about it. 

It’s hard to break old fear patterns but it is possible.

Do you feel that you have to live your life so carefully, so you never upset anyone?

And then do you feel you’ve lost your authenticity, your power, your true self?

If you have difficulty in grieving or maybe crying as part of your grief, can you give yourself permission to really let go?

Feel it and sit with it and tell yourself that you love yourself for feeling all of these raw emotions.

You can step into your power with grace by embracing all of your selves - give it your best shot

The light and darkness within you.

Maybe something small has shifted within you. Maybe you’re able to close your eyes and just be.

Allow the tears to roll down your face and find that connection within you if you need to.

Opening up your heart to these deep, trapped emotions and grief that you have been carrying sets you free.

Have your own back and follow through with loving yourself. 

This is how you can step out of victimhood and into your own authentic self and your own power.

When you notice yourself shying away from loving yourself, allow yourself to spend time with both your inner little self and your higher self.

Walk through the world together

Why not have morning and evening check-ins?

In the morning with your higher self and tucking your inner child into bed at night. How does that sound?

I often find that what’s holding me back is me.

This part of me that thinks I’m not worthy and believes others over myself. This part of me that stops myself from taking action out of fear.

But nowadays, I repeat my affirmations and then take action with the fear and just let it be okay. 

Are you ready to let go of the person that you felt your family has wanted you to be?

Are you ready to let go of their expectations of you?

Ready to let go of their perceptions and opinions of you?

Are these opinions even true of you?

Have you noticed that your story that you’ve been telling yourself is:

“My voice doesn’t matter, and no one cares”

The truth is your voice does matter and you care. Your inner being cares for you.

You can work on rewriting these stories and any others that come up throughout your life’s journey.

Allow your deep spiritual wisdom to resonate with your own soul.

So many of my shadows have been uprooted with some people in my life recently and that has been overwhelming to say the least.

Looking at all those buried parts with that victim mentality being a big one is bloody hard!

Figuring out how to acknowledge all these shadows, some of which I didn’t even know were there.

At times, it felt it was all too late.

But I’m trying to just take the wisdom I’ve gained and integrate it to my personal growth, at the very least, and carry that forward.

Accepting accountability and stepping out of the cycles I’ve perpetuated.

When we have or had parents or care givers that weren’t there for us emotionally, it’s difficult to charter a course in life, isn’t it?

We see these patterns repeat themselves in our lives then it takes time to understand what’s going on.

It could be that you married the same kind of person and just kept excusing their behaviour for:

“What could I have done differently, so he wouldn’t behave that way?”

And it can also be so strange to have made so many changes on this self-love journey and others seem to have remained exactly where they were.

Here’s a little reminder – who you are is important and how you feel is important. Just hold on to that.

After you’ve finished reading this today, I’m going to suggest dancing with your shadow.

Now this could be to a favourite track that means a lot to you or if you’ve come across 5 Rhythm Dancing.

This is all about transformation and healing that might be for you and although I don’t know much about it, I will be investigating it further.

Slow down and Dance

Slowing down might be difficult for you but it’s necessary!

We can learn to slow down and listen to our inner wisdom and listen for guidance so that we can act and not just react.

We are responsible for our own self-care because if we don’t care for ourselves this is just another trauma response which puts us back into victimhood.

Say out loud if you can:

It’s time to learn

It’s time to transform

It’s time to heal

It’s time slow down

It’s time to laugh, shout and cry

It’s time to dance with my shadow… instead of running away from my shadow again and again… or recreating or attracting drama

Time to feel my emotions

Time to tell my story

To tell my truth

It’s time to rest 

Nothing to do, just breathe.

Discover your own path that resonates with your innermost self and pursue it wholeheartedly.

Recover the missing pieces of yourself.

Trust the journey – the destination reveals itself in time, when you are ready to see it.

Make your richest relationship the one you have with yourself

Life can feel overwhelming at times and it’s easy to forget that relationship with ourselves. 

We juggle responsibilities, navigate relationships, and wrestle with self-doubt. 

It’s easy to feel powerless, like we’re being swept along by currents beyond our control. 

But we all have the power within us to shift gears, take the wheel, and chart our own course with grace and gentleness.

This can be as simple as starting each day with a gentle check in with yourself.

“How am I feeling today? What do I need?”

It can look like setting boundaries, practising self-care and being kind to yourself in your thoughts and in your actions.

It’s the small things practised daily that create a full picture of self-love.

I shared this amazing piece from Brené Brown on my:

Open Your Heart 10 Day Challenge

on Insight Timer and I thought it was perfect to share here.

A photo of a key sitting on a heart with the caption "Open your heart challenge"

MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED

“There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers 

than those of us who are willing to fall

Because we have learned how to rise

With skinned knees and bruised hearts.

We choose owning our stories of struggle,

Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.

When we deny our stories, they define us.

When we run from struggle, we are never free.

So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.

We will not be characters in our stories.

Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.

We are the authors of our lives.

We write our own daring endings.

We craft love from heartbreak,

Compassion from shame,

Grace from disappointment,

Courage from failure.

Showing up is our power.

Story is our way home.

Truth is our song.

We are the brave and broken-hearted.

We are rising strong.”

– Brené Brown

Such a beautiful piece…

Gently stepping into your power and owning your voice doesn’t happen on that one occasion, it’s a continuous journey.

There will be bumps along the road, sometimes bloody big ones! 

But by staying committed to your growth and your authentic self, you can truly shine your light on the world.

Remember, you are worthy, you are capable, and you have the power to create a life you deserve.

Much love.

Are you interested in working with me? Check out my work with me page for more info, or contact me.

Also, follow me on Insight Timer for free meditations and notifications of my free live events.

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Gratitude for The Good, The Bad, Or The Ugly

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Image of a woman with text saying Gratitude for the Good, the Bad, Or The Ugly. Liz Doyle the Positive Change Coach

How can we feel grateful for the good, the bad or the downright ugly? Gratitude for a bad day, a bad week or a really bad month seems crazy sometimes doesn’t it?

BUT we can try to practise feeling gratitude for all of the situations in our lives. Even really challenging situations can contain important lessons that are linked to our growth and our capacity to receive abundance. Your intentions will occur in divine timing, not necessarily your timing. 

When we practise gratitude, more and more magical moments and divine synchronicities can show up in our lives. By letting go of expectations and embracing appreciation for the present moment, we can experience the benefits of gratitude every day. Worrying too much about the past or future can have negative effects on our mental health, making it essential to practise letting go.

How can we let go and cultivate genuine gratitude for the good, the bad or the ugly?

We’ve all been there, clinging to things that no longer serve us, whether it’s a grudging job, a toxic relationship, or even just a negative thought pattern. But holding onto baggage weighs us down, preventing us from experiencing the joy and abundance that life has to offer.

Letting Go – Releasing the grip of what no longer serves you

Where do we begin with letting go? It’s not about pretending negativity doesn’t exist, but rather acknowledging it and gently releasing its hold on us.

Here are some ways to start:

Mindfulness – Take a moment to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Notice what brings you down and then, with conscious intention, release it. Imagine it as a balloon floating away into the sky.

Journaling – Write down your worries, fears, and frustrations. Putting them on paper can help you process and release them. Then safely burn or tear up the paper symbolically letting go.

Forgiveness – Holding onto grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Forgive those who have wronged you, not for them, but for your own inner peace.

Acceptance – Sometimes, things just don’t go our way. Instead of fighting against reality, practise acceptance. Accept what is, and then see what possibilities open up. I have found this practice so powerful.

  • What would you like to let go of?
  • What thoughts are holding you back?
  • What feelings and emotions are making you feel stuck?

What practice from the ones I shared might help you? Mindfulness; Journaling; Forgiveness; Acceptance

How can you cultivate gratitude when life throws you lemons?

We all know those times when happiness feels like a distant memory, and the weight of the world seems to be on our shoulders. But even in the midst of hardship, there’s often a flicker of light, a reason to be grateful. 

Let’s have a look at the power of gratitude and how it can be a source of strength and resilience even when life feels tough.

The Challenge of Gratitude in Difficult Times

Let’s be honest, feeling grateful when life is bloody hard can feel downright absurd. 

When we’re facing financial struggles, relationship breakdowns, health issues, or any other kind of adversity, the last thing we want to do is count our blessings. It’s natural to feel angry, frustrated, and overwhelmed. 

So, why even bother with gratitude in these moments? I’ve been there myself. A few years ago, it felt like everything was falling apart. I was putting a brave face on everything for my family,  but I was in such a dark place. Just functioning really, when I look back – it was very dark.

But in the middle of all that darkness, I was recommended to start a practice that helped me so much. Every day, I’d force myself to write down three things I was grateful for, no matter how small. It could be something as simple as a warm cup of tea in bed, a beautiful sunset, or a walk with my dog.

At first, it didn’t feel real at all. But gradually, something shifted. My focus started to move away from the negativity and towards the little pockets of good that still existed in my life.

This highlights something very important – gratitude isn’t about ignoring the bad things. It’s about acknowledging them while also choosing to appreciate the good that still exists, even in very small doses.

The Science of Gratitude

But gratitude isn’t just about feeling warm and squishy. There’s a growing body of research that shows the real, tangible benefits of practising gratitude. Studies have shown that gratitude can:

  • boost our mood
  • improve our sleep
  • strengthen our relationships
  • even increase our resilience in the face of stress and adversity.

Gratitude activates a specific reward pathway in the brain, releasing feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin. This, in turn, can lead to a more positive outlook, increased motivation, and a stronger sense of well-being. Additionally, focusing on the good things in our lives can help us change the way we view challenges and setbacks, making them seem less daunting and more manageable.

It’s good to know that there is actual science behind why feeling grateful makes us feel better! 

How To Cultivate Gratitude in Hard Times

Okay, so we know that gratitude is good for us, even when life is hard. But how do we actually cultivate it when negativity feels like it’s taking over? 

Here are a few practical tips:

Start Small

Don’t try to force yourself to be grateful for really big things. Begin with simple things, like the taste of your favourite food, your morning shower, or the feeling of sunlight on your face.

A gratitude meditation might be a helpful way to start small. There are an awful lot of guided Gratitude meditations out there. I have one on Insight Timer, and it also incorporates the teachings of Louise Hay so even more to love! It’s called Louise Hay Gratitude Meditation, would you believe!

Here’s the link for you to access it

Keep A Gratitude Journal 

Spend a few minutes each day writing down three things you’re grateful for. This can be a powerful way to train your brain to focus on the positive. If it helps, you can join my group on Insight Timer – Liz Doyle’s Gratitude & Support Group and here’s the link to join. It helps me to keep to a daily gratitude practice.

Express Your Gratitude

Tell the people you care about what you appreciate about them. Not only will this make you feel good, but it will also strengthen your relationships. The power of a simple “thank you” can be quite incredible.

Focus On The Small Wins

Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how big or small. This will help you build a sense of confidence and optimism.

Maybe you already practise gratitude on a daily basis. If so, I’d love to hear what your practice is. Why not drop me an email and let me know; hello@lizdoyle.net. And if you don’t, has this article inspired to start? Again, let me know.

A Message of Hope

Remember, it’s okay not to feel grateful all the time. Life can be messy and it’s perfectly normal to experience a range of emotions. But when you’re feeling down, try to give gratitude a chance. You might be surprised at the difference it can make. Even the smallest spark of appreciation can be a powerful source of strength and resilience in the face of adversity.

When we focus on what we’re thankful for, even in the midst of challenges, our outlook starts to shift. We start to see the beauty and abundance that surrounds us. Because it really does.

Remember, letting go and cultivating gratitude are not one-time events, but ongoing practices. The more we do them, the easier they become and the more joy and peace we experience in our lives.

I Have A Call To Action For You

I encourage you to take some time to really experience letting go and cultivating gratitude. By doing so, not only will you lift yourself up, you will lift others up. You will be creating a ripple effect of positivity in the world!

And this affirmation is something I live by:

Gratitude brings more to be grateful about. Today I am grateful

Louise Hay

I hope you found some inspiration in cultivating gratitude for the good in your life, the bad and maybe even the ugly.

It might be that although this is all very inspiring, you feel you need some deeper work to help you to truly love and accept yourself which you know is what is holding you back in life. If so, why not have a look at how you can work with me, here.

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Do You Want An Abundant Year?

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Image of a woman's hand writing and text that says Do You Want An Abundant Year? More Info: lizdoyle.net

Of course, we all want an abundant year, don’t we but….

The new year can be a slow start, especially here in the northern hemisphere. It’s bloody cold, and with those dark mornings, how can we really rev those engines to get going in 2024?

Maybe you’re feeling tired and lazy from too much food or a lot of family time, and it’s okay to do nothing for a few days.

It’s really important to take enough time to relax and replenish, and not work until you’re close to burnout. But that’s easier said than done, at different times in our lives. Whether it’s due to work commitments, looking after our children or maybe ageing parents who we need to care for more and more.

We really don’t need the New Year hype to create a happy and abundant year. I mean, most of us don’t get in the groove until the second week of January anyway.

So, when’s the best time to set your intentions for 2024?

When you do it! That’s when.

Please don’t worry if you feel like you’re having a slow start to the year, there’s plenty of time. There is no need to rush.

I’m not a fan of New Year resolutions or making hard and fast goals but you may well know that already!

Setting Intentions for An Abundant Year

But the New Year is such a perfect time for us to see what is to be released, what is to be kept and improved, and what is to be brought in. And you can take the whole of January to do that. There are another 11 months after this one even though, we will all be saying “Happy Christmas” before we know it!

So if you’re ready to look at what you have learnt and are moving on from last year and setting your intentions for an abundant year ahead, then I have a few ideas to share.

The best way to welcome in a new year is to be thankful and accept where we are before bringing ourselves into the energetic flow for a fantastic and abundant 2024. It’s natural to look at things that didn’t happen last year or things that you didn’t do. Maybe relationships that came to an end, or other events that you perceive as being negative

But I challenge you to shift your thinking about last year so that you can set yourself up for a fulfilling year, this year.

Are you ready to draw that line in the sand?

In your notebook or journal I’d like you to answer these questions to help with the whole process. Don’t worry if you don’t have answers for the questions. They are just prompts to see what comes up for you. There is no wrong or right way of doing any of this. Trust that you are always being guided.

What shall I now release from my life? 

What am I holding on to that holds me back?

How am I being unloving to myself?

When we put pen to paper and write the words, it brings the thought from the mental and spiritual awareness into the physical realm of awareness.

Here’s a few more questions to ask yourself and write the answers in your notebook or journal:

How was last year healing?

What did I learn about myself?

How far have I come?

Now, I would like you to write down 5 successes you had in 2023. If you’re one of those people who tends to beat yourself up and think you don’t have any successes, I would urge you to write 2 or 3 for now and maybe spend time later adding to it. 

It’s always easy for us to give ourselves a hard time, but you’ve probably achieved far more than you think, and you deserve the credit. 

It could be that you have really started loving yourself more and you take more care of yourself. It could be something in your personal development that you’ve reached a new awareness about yourself. 

Magic always happens on the other side of awareness

At the very least — you survived — so write that down! Hurrah!

This exercise is very powerful so please, don’t skip it.

The trick is setting intentions that feel authentic to who you are and promise to bring real change to how you approach every aspect of your life. You can take as long as you need to, to reflect on your New Year’s intentions. Intentions truly have no limit.

Now, remind yourself that you are welcoming in this year with love and joy, knowing, as Louise Hay would say:

“that what we give out comes back to us multiplied “ 

I have a few more prompts for you to answer in your journal:

How do I want this year to be?

How abundant in every area of my life do I want to feel?

How much love am I willing to experience?

Louise Hay said “let something go and try something new”. She always inspired others by how she was continually learning and was always ready to try new things. Let’s be inspired to try something new this year. What will be your something new?

Your New Life Story For An Abundant Year

For you to create your new life story so that you can welcome abundance in all areas of your life this year, I have a few ideas to help you establish a routine. These include talking with your Inner Child, Mirror Work and creating powerful affirmations.

At first, it does take some energy and focus to establish a routine that includes your daily self-growth work. But, once you have a routine established it becomes so easy to continue it. It becomes a habit. A habit that can empower you every day of the year and your life.

So create that sacred space just for you and connect with your vision and inner wisdom over the next couple weeks. Let go of being reactive and in survival mode and open up to receiving abundance in your life.

Are you saying YES to having the year you truly want? Because it’s here for you.

So no more New Year resolutions or making hard and fast goals for me.

However, what I do believe in, is committing to working on you! Working on your limiting beliefs, unresolved emotions, feelings of not enoughness or too muchness.

You may have a few blocks in relation to your work, your relationships, your health, your finances, your body, your love life. 

So, the number one thing you can do to feel more abundant this year is to work on your mindset and beliefs about what you deserve. This means digging into those old stories and patterns that shape your relationship with yourself and the world around you.

A good place to start is to follow me on Insight Timer where you can find my recorded content and live event schedule.

Here’s the link

Maybe you’re ready to make a big shift in your life, to up-level every area of your life.

2024 can be a great year, your year.

And you don’t need to change who you are. By loving yourself more and more, you can create the life you have always deserved.

It’s here for you.

If you feel in your soul that this is the next right step on your path of transformation, then just follow this link to find out how you can work with me.

This work may be calling your name, but it’s a big decision! I get that.

So, why not meet me on a private Zoom call and I’ll answer any questions you have about the different ways you can work with me. I would love to meet with you face to face and help you decide if this is your next right step.

There will be no pressure, no pitching, just connecting with you to figure out what’s right for YOU.

Here’s the link to book in that call

I look forward to hearing from you.

Remember, this is your year no matter what ♥️

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End Of Year Ritual

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Image of a Clock and text that says End Of Year Ritual. Liz Doyle the Positive Change Coach

As the year draws to a close, I invite you to join my End Of Year Ritual which I want to be both meaningful and memorable for you.

Many cultures and traditions hold special rituals to honour the end of one year and the beginning of another. These rituals provide a way for us to express gratitude for the good things that have happened and to learn from the difficult experiences. AND to connect with your soul and your dreams for 2024.

What is the purpose of an End Of Rear Ritual?

First of all, it’s an opportunity to reflect and show your gratitude for what has been and for what you have. Rituals can help us to reflect on the past year, both the positive and negative experiences.

Rituals can also help us to accept where we are, and to let go of negative emotions and forgive ourselves and others. This can be so liberating and free up space for new positive experiences to enter our lives.

An end of year ritual can help us to set intentions for the new year where we can completely focus on what we want to bring into our lives.

Here are some examples of different End Of Year Rituals:

Ceremonies: Ceremonies can be formal or informal, but they typically involve a gathering of people to perform a ritual together. Some common ceremonies include burning incense, lighting candles, or making offerings.

Journaling: Journaling can be a powerful way to reflect on the past year and set intentions for the future. You can write about your accomplishments, challenges, and intentions for the coming year.

Meditation and mindfulness: Meditation and mindfulness can help us to connect with our inner selves and release negative emotions which can make space for the new year.

Creative activities: Creative activities such as painting, drawing, or writing can be a way to express our emotions and intentions for the future.

Here are a few ideas for creating your own End Of Year Ritual

Choose a time and place that is sacred and meaningful to you. This could be your home, a place in nature, or even a spiritual centre of some kind.

Gather any materials that you need for your ritual, such as candles, incense, writing materials or Palo Santo to burn.

You can also create a vision board or write down your intentions for the new year. You may wish to create an Abundance Altar.

Spend some time reflecting on the past year. Take time to think about the things you are grateful for, the challenges you have faced, and the lessons you have learned.

Let go of what no longer serves you. If there are any negative emotions, limiting beliefs, or people in your life that are holding you back, write them down on a piece of paper and burn it.

You can set a specific intention for your ritual. This could be to let go of the past, welcome the new year, or set intentions for the coming year.

Follow your intuition and create a ritual that feels right for you. There are no rules, so feel free to experiment and find what resonates with you. You want it to help you feel centred and connected to your vision for the future.

Here is your invitation to my End Of Year Ritual

If this all seems quite a lot of work and you’re a member of the amazing Insight Timer, then why not join my very special End Of Year Ritual on Friday 29th December at 5:00m (UK time). Here is the link to register.

Insight Timer is home to meditations, live events and courses run by coaches and other mental health care professionals from around the world. It is free for the vast majority of their meditations but this kind of event is a member only option but at approximately £8 a month, the app has an absolute treasure trove of content to offer from the most amazing teachers, not just me!!!

Although I won’t be able to see you for the Ritual, I would encourage you to dress in your most favourite or sparkly or abundant feeling attire for the occasion.

When we come together in this sacred space, we are able to tap into a collective field that can inspire and supercharge your vision for next year. It can then give you the power to take the next steps. Together we are so much stronger!

Whether 2023 has been challenging or completely expansive or just a bit meh, the end of the year is a perfect time to go inwards and listen to the whispers of your soul. Because it is always whispering to you.

This End Of Year Ritual offers you the opportunity pause, be still and deeply listen to the wisdom of your body and your heart. I would love to have you join me.

Want to find out a little more about me? Then follow this link for an introduction.

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“ As I say yes to life, life says yes to me! ” Louise Hay

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Image of a woman with outstretched arms and text saying "As I say yes to life, life says yes to me!" Louise Hay. Liz Doyle The Positive Change Coach

How do you feel when you say or just read this affirmation from the legendary and so inspirational Louise Hay, “ As I say yes to life, life says yes to me! ”?

Does it feel true for you? I know with all the stuff that goes on in life and everything going on around us, life doesn’t feel like it’s saying yes to us. I mean, did you read my last blog (link is here)?!!!! But then, are we always saying yes to life? 🤔

Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a place of complete surrender, a place where you profoundly trust that you’re being taken care of by a Universal power at every moment?

To live with certainty that the Universe is really out to support you. That it’s on your side and has your back.

I know that seems like a big stretch to believe 24hours a day / 7 days a week / 365 or even 366 days a year. But let’s lean into it just for the moment.

We often try so hard to control everything in our lives that we forget the power of putting our faith in the Universe, and in letting go.

But once you get into the habit of doing all that you can from your human experience and trusting when you get that intuitive message “it’s time to let go and surrender to a Higher Power that is also a part of us” and you actually do it, you’ll begin experiencing a deep sense of peace and of well-being.

Our highest good can come from surrender.

I don’t mean the kind of surrender as in losing a battle surrender, but as in letting go of our own personal limitations and aligning totally with an intelligence and an energy that’s greater than ourselves and yet, that is also part of us.

If we can do this, we can be in a state of saying yes to the Universe.

When we say yes to the Universe, we enter into a state of trust that whatever our situation is, we can work with it. We express confidence in ourselves, and the Universe, and we also express a willingness to learn from whatever comes our way, rather than running and hiding when we don’t like what we see.

Basically, instead of saying no and resisting everything that’s happening, simply say “yes”.

When you say yes, it’s like being a trapeze artist – you’re able to let go of the trapeze you’re holding on to, and sail through the air towards the next one. Without letting go and trusting the next one is there, forward motion just isn’t impossible.

It’s surrender and trust that creates a feeling of flow in every moment.

Now, I know that sometimes things happen that are NOT the way we want them, and believe me, that happens to me too. It’s as if we have to let go a bit before the hands of the other trapeze artist are there to catch us, but I also know that there’s an intelligence in the Universe that’s bigger than us and yet part of us.

An intelligence that can see things in ways that we can’t.

An intelligence that just wants you to hear it when it’s telling you, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this one.”

I now invite you to try this exercise.

It’s an exercise of acting from saying yes to what the Universe brings you and being led by your soul surrendering throughout the day.

This is an exercise that has been adapted from A Course in Miracles, and here’s what you do:

At the beginning of your day, close your eyes for just a moment, and take a few deep breaths, and offer these three questions to the Universe:

What would spirit have me do today?

Where would spirit have me go today?

What would spirit have me say and to whom?

And then, as you move through your day, use the answers that come to you as your inspiration from spirit, and simply say yes to whatever those answers are, trusting life’s unfolding.

And if you get stuck, ask the questions again.

When you act on the intuitive answers that show up and follow them trusting that spirit is guiding you and has your back, you’ll find yourself living more and more in a state of flow.

I’m reminding myself that it’s safe for me to say “yes” to the Universe more and more in my life and well, it has been miraculous sometimes. I’m not saying I always manage it. After all, I am human!

If you haven’t come across Louise Hay before, why not have a look at this video?

Let me know when you have said yes to the Universe and just surrendered, and how the Universe had your back. Email me via my contact page, I would love to hear about the beautiful synchronicities that have happened when you used Louise Hay‘s affirmation; “ As I say yes to life, life says yes to me! ”.

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When Life Goes Wrong

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Image of a woman with her face in her hands with words saying When Life Goes Wrong. Liz Doyle the Positive Change Coach.

Sometimes it feels like one bad thing happens after another. I mean, one bad thing happens and then another bad thing happens and then another bloody bad thing happens. 

That was me last week – yes, it happens to me too. 

I was poodling along feeling so grateful for all the blessings in my life and then something happened on Monday which was pretty awful. The interesting thing was my trauma response was to go bed. Yes, when life goes very wrong – bury your head under the duvet and scream!!!

“What had I done wrong?” I asked myself. 

“How had I brought this on…?” 

After a lot of crying (and I mean a lot) screaming, swearing and getting support from my dearest friends and family, I soothed myself with –  

“the universe has your back; this happened because something much better is on its way”. 

So over the week, I picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back in the game of life. 

By Friday, I was feeling good! Zumba, working with clients and even doing sweet little live events on Insight Timer and with my private FB community.

And then BOOM 💣💥 – Friday afternoon another pretty awful thing happened and then Friday evening, yes, you guessed it, another bloody awful thing happened. 

Woah, I was in a bit of a state by the time I went to bed. Well, you know what, I wasn’t! I realised that the universe had been guiding me and helping to work through these issues and it was all happening for a reason. 

You see, I now have tools 👩🏼‍🏭🛠🗜🔩🧰 

Tools, to help me come out of the fight or flight mode. 

Tools to help me to calm my traumatised nervous system. 

Tools to help me lower my cortisol levels while raising my vibration. 

I’m not saying it’s necessarily easy but it does definitely work. 

I’m now back in a place of trust and knowing as Abraham Hicks says

“things are always working out for me (even when they don’t feel like they’re working out for me!)”. 

The world feels like a crazy place at the moment – there is so much fear about the cost of living crisis and devastating conflict in different parts of the world. It’s easy for so many of us to retreat into that place of foreboding and crippling feelings of lack and I’ll say it again, fear. 

What to do when life goes wrong… Badly!

If you’re in this situation or someone in your life is, some or all of the following points might help you / them. This is what helped me last week and really, any time I revert back into my “old self” of trauma induced paralysis. 

  • Scream, yes scream! If you’re in an environment that you can safely do this and you won’t scare the bejesus out of anyone near you. This gets it out of your body. You’re not trying to bury the emotions – you’re literally giving them a voice which is always so much better for you than squashing it all down.
  • Bash some pillows or cushions. Again, this is getting the anger out of the body and benefits you in much the same way as screaming but I recommend both. Louise Hay swore by giving pillows a good old bash on a regular basis even if she felt angry or not – she wrote about how buried feelings of anger and distress are so damaging to us in every way and this exercise gets it out. 
  • Talk to someone you can trust and who won’t judge you. This is really important. You need support from someone who is there for you. Someone who won’t criticise you (even subtly) or tell you what to do. They will just listen. These people are priceless so don’t ever let them go!!
  • Allow yourself to feel s**t. It is what it is AND you are where you are AND you feel how you feel. You’re allowed to have these feelings. We often start telling ourselves that we’re out of control or feel guilty for being so upset. This is often linked to childhood messages from our care givers, trying to get us to calm down and sometimes in not a very kind way. Embrace these feelings because the quicker you allow yourself to feel s**t, the quicker you will start to feel better.
  • FORGIVE yourself. Maybe some of what has happened is because of something you did or didn’t do. There is no point in blaming yourself and adding to the pile of crap you’re already feeling. And I think you know that. If you catch yourself berating yourself, just STOP. Stop right where you are and forgive yourself. Or at the very least say, “I am willing to forgive myself”. Life happens and this is a reminder that you are human and humans make mistakes.
  • Do nothing. You don’t have to decide anything straight away. You probably don’t have to react immediately, so don’t. It won’t help the situation none! Sit with it, absorb the information and go through the steps above. You don’t have to react when your cortisol levels are through the roof. I believe we are always being guided, so sit with it as best you can for now.
  • Praise yourself. I know, this sounds bonkers and yes it’s probably not easy to do straight away but if you’re like a lot of humans out there, you’ve probably gone through a fair bit in your life and you’re here to tell the tale. So, praise yourself for that! You have survived 100% of your worst days and you’re still here – maybe not smiling right now but you’re down, not out. Remind yourself of that – YOU ARE AMAZING. Yes, I say this to myself.

Now, what to do when you start to feel a bit better?

When the worst of the feelings start to abate, then what can you do?:

  • Meditation. You can sit and just breathe in and out slowly, counting on the in and out breath. I have shared lots of ideas on meditating in previous blogs. I meditate every single day and especially when I am facing challenges like this last week. My preferred go to is a guided meditation on that particular topic and there are 100’s to choose from on Insight Timer. I’m a teacher on the app now or have a look at my YouTube channel.
  • Tapping. EFT/Tapping is an incredible tool to help me lower any feelings of overwhelming stress and to reset my nervous system back to a calmer and more self-nurturing place. One of my favourites, is Tapping with Brad and here’s a great video on overwhelm.
  • Gratitude. No matter how bad life can get, there is always something that we can feel grateful about. But I know, it’s not that easy to do because, well, you just feel rubbish. But by slowly introducing or re-introducing (if you’ve lapsed a bit) a gratitude routine, you will not only help your wellbeing, mentally and physically, but you will start to have more to be grateful about. It is such a great way to raise your vibration. You are very welcome to join my small Gratitude & Support Group by joining my private FB group, Love Yourself – Women Inspiring Women. So, what are you grateful for today and, again, you can start small?
  • De-cluttering. I don’t mean housework! I mean intentionally clearing out something in your home, car, case or bag for the purpose of making way for something new. I am an enormous fan of decluttering and I’ve talked about it before with regard to manifesting abundance. In the last few days, I have been ritually burning some confidential papers that needed to go but I just hadn’t got round to doing it. The feeling of relief and release has been so profound. Start small but start – just start somewhere.
  • Get Yourself a God Box! I’m not a fan of the word God because it has been misused and abused by religions for millennia. I prefer Universe, Spirit even Goddess but God Box has such a great ring to it don’t you think? I have come across this before but I am currently working my way through Tosha Silver‘s wonderful book, “It’s Not Your Money” and she explains it all so well. Get yourself any kind of box (you choose how fancy or not) and write down on a piece of paper your burden. It can be about any subject at all (not just money) and offer it up to the Divine by popping it in the box. You can even say “I hand this to you Divine and I ask for the right actions to be shown to me”. Then do your best to forget about it! I found a lovely pink box to be my God Box and I already have 4 burdens in there 😊.

These are a few ideas of how you can help yourself when life goes wrong. I’m sure you might have a few tools of your own but sometimes, we just need a little reminder and that’s what this can be for you.

I hope that reading about my own authentic feelings shows you that life is a work in progress. We ALL have our stuff. But you might be in a place where your feelings run much deeper. You might think that it’s time to put YOU first. If so, have a look at what my coaching involves.

Just remember, you are never on your own and there is always support and guidance all around us.

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Books That Changed My Life

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Image of Liz Doyle in a library with text saying "Books That Changed My Life. lizdoyle.net"

I’ve read a lot of books in my life, but there are a few that have had a profound impact on me. These books have changed my life! These books have helped me to heal, to grow, and to live a more fulfilling life – a happier life. I would like to list more but we need to start somewhere with the top 5.

I am sharing links for you to buy the books from Amazon but if you prefer to support the circular economy; this is a link for World of Books and you might be able to get a used book in excellent condition.

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

If you have read any of my previous blogs and checked out my website, you will know that Louise Hay was pivotal in completely changing my life around. I first listened to her on YouTube and it was as if she was speaking directly to me! Although this book was not the first one that introduced me to the power of positive thinking, it was the most insightful. It really introduced me to positive affirmations in a big way and led me to finding out more and to eventually training to become licensed to share Louise’s timeless teachings.

You Can Heal Your Life helped me to see that I was creating my own reality with my thoughts and beliefs. Once I started to change my thoughts, I really started to see positive changes in my life. That the power of loving yourself changes everything. You could say it’s the reason I became a Positive Change Coach.

Here is the link to buy the book from Amazon but you may find a copy from World of Books too (link above).

The Power Is Within You by Louise Hay

This book is a sequel to You Can Heal Your Life, and it goes even deeper into the power of the subconscious mind. Although I adored You Can Heal Your Life, I actually preferred The Power is Within You. It taught me how to identify and change the negative beliefs that were holding me back.

As I said, it goes even deeper into the power of positive thinking than You Can Heal Your Life. It teaches you how to use affirmations, visualisation, and other techniques to create the life you want. This book has helped me to stay positive and, and it has helped me to manifest many of the things I’ve wanted in life.

Here is the link to buy it from Amazon but you may find a copy from World of Books too.

Ask and It Is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks

What can I say about Abraham Hicks!!! Another find on YouTube and I still go back to those videos when I need to remind myself that “things are always working out for me”! This book is all about the Law of Attraction, and it taught me how to use my thoughts to attract the things I want into my life. It was another game-changer for me, and it helped me to manifest many of my dreams.

This book showed me that I am responsible for my own thoughts and emotions, and that I can change my life by changing my thinking. It helped me to overcome many of the challenges I was facing at the time. I think Abraham Hicks deserves its own blog so I’ll be sharing more soon.

Here is the link to buy the book from Amazon but you may find a copy from World of Books too (link above).

Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff

This wonderful book is about the power of positive emotions, and it taught me how to cultivate a more joyful and optimistic outlook on life. It helped me to see that happiness is a choice, and that I can choose to be happy no matter what is going on in my life.

After reading the book, I then joined Your Year of Miracles where I learnt life is full of miracles even if we don’t always think so!

Here is the link to buy it from Amazon but you may find a copy from World of Books too.

Chillpreneur by Denise Duffield Thomas

So this is the last one in my top 5 books that changed my life. It is such an easy and fun read (and listen as I often also buy books on Audible) with lots of humour. The book is about how to create a successful business without burning yourself out. It taught me the importance of taking care of myself, both physically and mentally. It also helped me to set boundaries and to say no to things that were not a good fit for me.

After reading and listening to Chillpreneur, I started following Denise and eventually joined her Money Bootcamp which has turned out to be another life changing experience!

Here is the link to buy the book from Amazon but you may find a copy from World of Books too (link above).

These are just a few of the books that have changed my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still face challenges but I now have the tools and the presence within me to bring myself back to this moment and to be very gentle with myself as I charter those waters. I am really grateful to the authors who shared their wisdom with me, and I am so glad that I found these books when I did. They have helped me to become a happier, healthier, and more successful person.

I hope that you will check out these books if you are looking for some inspiration and guidance on your own journey. They may just change your life too.

What books have had a profound effect on your life? I would love to know ♥️

And if you would like to find out some more about working with me, follow this link and get in contact here to book in a time to have a confidential chat.

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Brené Brown: The Call to Courage

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Image of a woman with text saying; "Brené Brown: The Call to Courage. Liz Doyle the positive change coach"

Who is Brené Brown and what is The Call to Courage?

If you have read any of my previous blogs, then you will know that I deeply admire Brené Brown. Brené is a research professor at the University of Houston, and a leading expert on vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy. Her TED Talk on the power of vulnerability has been viewed over 50 million times, and her books have sold millions of copies.

Last night I watched Brené Brown: The Call to Courage which is on Netflix here in the UK, and it left me so uplifted. Brené explores the importance of choosing courage over comfort in a world that is often defined by scarcity, fear, and uncertainty. She shared her often very funny but poignant personal stories, research findings, and insights from her work with leaders, organisations, and individuals around the world.

One of the key messages of the documentary is that courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to move forward in spite of it and only by showing up with our vulnerability, can we be truly courageous. She argues that courage is essential for living a full and meaningful life. It allows us to connect with others, take risks, and achieve our goals.

The documentary went into a lot of detail with exploring the link between courage and vulnerability. Brené defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risk.” Vulnerability is not weakness, but strength. It is the willingness to show up and be seen, even when we are afraid.

The Call to Courage is a timely and important documentary that challenges us to choose courage over comfort in our own lives. It is a reminder that we are all capable of great things, if we are willing to be vulnerable and open ourselves up to connection.

Here are some of my main key takeaways from The Call to Courage:

  • Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to move forward in spite of it.
  • Vulnerability is not weakness, but strength. It is the willingness to show up and be seen, even when we are afraid.
  • Shame is the fear of disconnection. It is the fear of not being good enough.
  • Empathy is the ability to connect with the feelings of another person. It is the ability to walk in someone else’s shoes.
  • Connection is the antidote to shame. It is the feeling of being seen, heard, and understood.

If you are looking for a film that will challenge you, inspire you, and help you live a more courageous life, then I highly recommend The Call to Courage.

And here are some of the lessons I learned from the documentary:

  • Courage is not something that we have or don’t have. It is a muscle that we can build through practice.
  • Vulnerability is not weakness. It is the strength to be open and authentic, even when we are afraid.
  • Shame is a universal emotion, but it doesn’t have to define us. We can overcome shame by cultivating courage and vulnerability.
  • Connection is the antidote to shame. When we feel connected to others, we feel less alone and less afraid.

In her work, Brené Brown has found that vulnerability is the only way to truly connect with others and experience joy, love, and belonging.

What is vulnerability?

Vulnerability is the willingness to show up and be seen, even when there is the risk of being hurt. It is the courage to be imperfect, to be honest, and to be open to feedback.

Why is vulnerability important?

Vulnerability is important because it is the foundation of all meaningful relationships. When we are vulnerable, we allow others to see us for who we really are, and this can create a deep sense of connection. Vulnerability also allows us to experience the full range of human emotions, both positive and negative.

What are the three elements of vulnerability?

Brené identifies three key elements of vulnerability – uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

  • Uncertainty: When we are vulnerable, we are opening ourselves up to the unknown. We don’t know how others will react to us, and this can be a scary feeling.
  • Risk: Vulnerability also involves risk. When we put ourselves out there, we are opening ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt.
  • Emotional exposure: Vulnerability involves emotional exposure. When we are vulnerable, we are sharing our true feelings, and this can be a very exposing experience.

How can we be more vulnerable?

Leaning into vulnerability is not easy, but so worth it. Here are some ideas:

  • Start small: If you’re not used to being vulnerable, start by sharing small things with people you trust. This will help you build your confidence and get used to the feeling of being exposed.
  • Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings: When you’re feeling vulnerable, pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. What are you afraid of? What are you hoping for?
  • Practise self-compassion: When you make a mistake or get hurt, be kind to yourself. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and that vulnerability is a part of being human.

The benefits of vulnerability

The benefits of vulnerability are many. When we are vulnerable, we can:

  • Experience deeper connections: When we open ourselves up to others, we can create deeper connections with them.
  • Experience more joy: Vulnerability allows us to experience the full range of human emotions, including joy.
  • Be more authentic: When we are vulnerable, we are being more authentic. We are showing our true selves to the world, and this can be a very freeing experience.
  • Be more resilient: When we experience vulnerability, we learn to be more resilient. We learn how to cope with difficult emotions and how to bounce back from setbacks.

Vulnerability is the foundation of all meaningful relationships, and it is the key to experiencing joy, love, and belonging. And isn’t that a wonderful thing?

If you’re looking to connect with others on a deeper level, or if you want to experience more joy in your life, I encourage you to embrace vulnerability and all that it entails.

Here are some additional resources that you may find helpful after watching The Call to Courage:

  • Brené Brown’s website: https://brenebrown.com
  • Brené Brown’s TED Talk which she talked at length about during the film:

And here are Brené Brown’s books:

Daring Greatly

Rising Strong

Braving the Wilderness

Atlas of the Heart

I highly recommend watching Brené Brown: The Call to Courage if you are interested in learning more about courage, vulnerability, and shame. It is an inspiring and thought-provoking documentary that challenges us all to live a more courageous life.

And to find out more about me, here is my Meet Liz Page!

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Breaking Family Patterns

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Images of a house with text saying "where my mum was born"

Here is the house where my mum was born, in rural West Cork, Ireland. On walking around there recently, I was suddenly struck with what she had gone through in life to become the woman she was. I am still working on breaking those family patterns that have been passed down. It’s a journey like life itself and whilst sometimes it can be so frustrating and distressing, I am now in a place where I understand who she was and am at peace with it.

If you are able to see then it is clear that the house is a ruin now but I own the land it’s on and my dream is to rebuild it one day – you never know that dream might come true. It was a simple house, but it was home to my mum and her family.

The fourth of five daughters, my mum lost her dad when she was only 7. That loss must have been terrible for her but she never spoke of it but it explains a lot of her later behaviour in life. She didn’t share many stories about growing up in that house but she remembered the smell of the peat fire and the sound of the wind in the trees as well as the garden her father planted before he passed away.

I won’t go into my relationship with my mother here as I have shared some of the details in a previous blog – here’s the link if you want to find out more

What I do want to talk about is how we can break those family patterns, however they manifest for you.

Breaking family patterns may be the most important work you do and the most challenging.

There is an expression “no one gets out of childhood unscathed”. For a long time, I didn’t really understand that it doesn’t mean you have to have gone through major trauma as a child to be traumatised.

As I keep diving deeper into my own healing journey, I’m discovering that so many of my unhelpful patterns originate in childhood as a response to wounds and traumas or even TRAUMAs. The little Liz or Elizabeth created some survival strategies for self protection. 

As I grew up those patterns became really embedded and, of course, I had no conscious awareness that they were running the show.

It is NOT about blame

It’s about understanding yourself so you can break free from those patterns and live the life you want – authentic, safe and content.

It is easy to believe that in leaving our childhood homes and becoming adults, we have removed ourselves from harmful and self-perpetuating family patterns. But our behaviours and beliefs are still those that were impressed upon us during our youth by our parents, grandparents, teachers, other care givers and the generations that went before them.

We may find ourselves unconsciously repeating cycles of the previous generations, such as fear of having enough, not showing affection, and trust and abandonment issues. Passing on of negative patterns from one generation to the next is not a done deal. It is possible to break any negative family cycle so they cannot exert their influence any more. Letting that pattern go is just a matter of overcoming those values imprinted upon us long ago by replacing them with pure love, tolerance, and conscious awareness.  

Just think of another expression – “it runs in the family” Here is where it can run out!

Even if you have struggled with the effects of family cycles that were a reflection of the struggle previous generations were forced to endure, you can still free yourself from the effects of your family history.

The will to rid yourself of old, dark forms of energy and introduce a new loving energy may come in the form of an epiphany, like me while I was wandering near the house my mum was born in. That awareness has come after my journey of personal development and much forgiveness for my mother. I am now in a place where I totally understand her and I feel closer to her now than I ever did when she was on this earth.

You may one day simply realise that certain aspects of your early life have negatively affected your health, wealth, happiness, and ability to live the way you want.

Only when we understand how family cycles have influenced us can we gain freedom from those cycles. 

In order to truly change, you must give yourself permission to change. Breaking family patterns is not betrayal but the discovery that your ability to express your feelings and your needs grows. You will embark upon a journey towards greater well-being that can positively impact generations to come. Imagine that!

Here are some additional suggestions for breaking family patterns:

  • Become aware of your family patterns. The first step to breaking a pattern is to become aware of it. Pay attention to the ways in which your family’s past is impacting your present. What behaviours, beliefs, and attitudes have you inherited from your parents, grandparents, and other ancestors? Why not put on some quiet music and write everything down?
  • Choose to change. Once you are aware of your family patterns, you can choose to change them. This doesn’t mean that you have to forget your past or pretend that it didn’t happen. It simply means that you can choose to create a new future for yourself.
  • Get support. Breaking family patterns can be challenging, so it’s important to get support. Talk to a coach, counsellor, or other trusted professional. You can also find support groups and online forums for people who are working to break family patterns.
  • Be willing to forgive. Here is a Louise Hay affirmation that might help, “I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.” Remember that forgiveness also sets you free.
  • Be patient. Don’t expect to change overnight. Just keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Breaking family patterns is possible. With time and support, you can create a new life for yourself that is free from the limitations of your past.

I am so grateful that I now truly understand my mum and to continue to forgive her and myself!

Standing in the same spot where my mum stood as a child and to imagine her life there was a powerful and loving way to break those family patterns.

If you also have or had a difficult relationship with your mother, then my Mother Wound Healing session may help you – opening the door to understanding, accepting and healing the (sometimes) complicated relationship with our mothers.

If you need to dive deeper to understand the family patterns from the past that are affecting you now, I would recommend my 6 session Love Yourself Package. It’s a journey that will give you the freedom you have been looking for.

If this touches something in you, do book a complimentary call with me to get clear on where you are now, where you are desiring to be and what is possible for you. Here is the link to book a call.

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Are You Worthy?

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Image of a woman with text saying "Are you worthy? lizdoyle.net"

Or do you every feel unworthy? Do you tell yourself that you’re just not worthy or not deserving?

Such a big, sticky, messy subject – our feelings around worthiness…

Let’s go through this, step by step.

Feeling worthy is a state of mind in which you believe that you are valuable and deserving of good things. It is a sense of self-acceptance and self-love. When you feel worthy, you are more likely to take care of yourself, set and achieve goals, and build healthy relationships.

Maybe that can explain why we can subconsciously block what we want – because deep down, we just don’t think we’re worthy of it.

There are many things that can contribute to feeling unworthy.

These can include and of course are not exclusive:

  • Negative self-talk
  • Trauma or abuse
  • Low self-esteem
  • Depression or anxiety

This is an ongoing journey and now again, it still hits me and I need to gently and with a lot of self-compassion, bring myself back to those feelings of innate worthiness. It’s not always easy!!

I remember the first time it dawned on me and where part of my story came from. Because it all starts with self-awareness, otherwise, how can we change?

I was walking the dog one day…. and I was questioning myself (again…) about why I didn’t feel deserving. I had been cogitating this and wondering why saying to myself Louise Hay’s fab affirmation “I deserve the best and accept it now” just didn’t feel true for me….. 

Obviously, what I do is to help women see that they are always good enough and deserve the best life has to give and I thought that if I don’t feel it how can I help them. But that’s another blog for another day 😂😂

Then I went back to my simple “I am worthy” and it hit me!!

Growing up as a child, every day at school and at mass each week, we would recite all these prayers and one line that would be repeated over and over again was “I am not worthy”. 

Well blow me down with a feather – no wonder I had never felt worthy…. I had been saying it to myself for frigging years, almost my whole life.

So my new walking mantra whenever I feel slightly doubtful about myself or any situation for that matter is, guess what – yes….

“I AM WORTHY”

Say it with me…

It covers everything – that I am good enough and that I am worthy just because I exist…..

If you are struggling with feeling unworthy, there are things you can do to improve your self-worth in addition to the above walking mantra “I am worthy”.

Try any or all of these:

  • Challenge negative self-talk. When you catch yourself thinking negative things about yourself, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if they are really true (most of them are definitely not). If not, try to replace them with more positive thoughts.
  • Set realistic expectations. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, and that’s okay. Learn to accept yourself for who you are.
  • Surround yourself with positive people. The people you spend time with have a big impact on your self-esteem. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. If this isn’t always possible then try to limit your time with them!
  • Take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and moving your body regularly. Taking care of your physical health will help you feel better about yourself and your self-worth..
  • Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. If you’ve done something wrong, forgive yourself and try to move on. Holding on to guilt and shame will only make you feel worse.
  • Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of your strengths and focus on developing them. When you focus on your strengths, you’ll feel more confident and worthy.
  • Do things that make you happy. When you do things that make you happy, you’ll feel better about yourself. Make time for activities that you enjoy, such as spending time with the people you love, pursuing hobbies, or giving back to your local community.
  • Seek professional help. If you’re struggling to feel worthy on your own, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. A therapist or a coach can help you identify the root of your low self-worth so that you can let them go and develop new beliefs about yourself.

The most important thing to remember is that it takes time and and some effort to build a strong sense of self-worth. But it’s SO worth it (pardon the pun 🤪). When you feel worthy, you’ll live a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life but it can take small steps to get there.

Here is a link to one of my previous blogs with some very wise words from Brené Brown“

You were born worthy of love and belonging
Brené Brown – Worthiness and Shame

And if you want to go in even deeper, here’s a super short video on worthiness I shared a while ago:

Trust your worthiness

Remember, you are worthy simply because you exist. You are worthy of love, respect, and happiness. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and that includes you!

If you’d like to find out how you can work with me to develop that deep sense of self-worth, why not book in a call with me so we can see if this healing work is for you? Here’s the link

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