Do you beat yourself up over the smallest thing that goes wrong?
Do you have to be the best in everything you do, even if it’s something you don’t care that much about?
Are you super critical and highly conscious of your own mistakes?
When things don’t turn out as perfectly as you had wanted, do you think about the outcome obsessively and how you could have done it differently?
Are you critical and highly conscious of other people’s mistakes?
Do you spend a lot of your time getting something just right even at the detriment of your health and well-being?
Do you set really high standards, seeing only black and white (no grey)?
Are you really sensitive and defensive towards criticism?
Do you get so obsessed about reaching your goal that you seldom, if ever, enjoy the journey?
If you said “yes” to ANY of the above questions, you’re a bit of a perfectionist. The more “yeses”, the more you succumb to perfectionism
Perfectionism is another pattern coming from a place of not feeling good enough. To heal the part of you that feels you’re not enough is to be aware of when you’re falling into the perfectionist story and then to consciously choose to take baby steps to get ahead. Good enough is ALWAYS great.
Being self-compassionate for our vulnerabilities is the best way to overcome perfectionism. When we become more loving and compassionate with ourselves, we can embrace our imperfections – yes really! Because, after all, we are imperfectly perfect human beings.
I love what Brené Brown has to say on the subject:
Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels the thought: “If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” We want to be perceived as perfect but that can never happen because there’s no way to control other people’s perception of you, regardless of how much time and energy you spend trying.”
Brené also says,
“It’s in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts and create our most meaningful connections. It’s only when you are able to say, ‘I’m struggling with this,’ or ‘I think I screwed up or made a mistake,’ or ‘I need your help,’ that you can deeply connect with others soul to soul.”
This a great short clip to check out
Getting over perfectionistm
Which areas of your life might you be a perfectionist? How does it feel to treat yourself more gently and with compassion? Realising that you are good enough and you’re always doing the best you can is such an important step in loving yourself more.
If you’d like to find out more about how you can work with me, have a look at this page.
Do you have some morning rituals to set yourself up for a great day?
Do they ensure you’re feeling calm and yet excited for your day or do you feel tired and stressed and possibly, worried about the day ahead? If you’d like to introduce a few little things that could make a huge difference to your day when practised over a period of time, why not get my 7 Simple Morning Rituals For a Beautiful Dayusing this link.
If we think we can’t function before that first cup of coffee then we are giving our power away. Set your intentions for a beautiful morning and day ahead with these very easy steps and of course, you don’t have to do them all. Try some on and see how they fit and just have fun with them.
I mention having a gratitude practice as one of my 7 morning rituals – find out here why gratitude is such a game changer – here’s the link
Each day can be like starting a whole new year. You have another chance to start over. And yes I know, 2021 was another tough year and for some really, really tough.
With this in mind, it would be easy to look at the new year and even each day with a sense of – here we go again! But I have discovered over the years that by focusing on the positive, we can attract more of what we want into our lives.
That is why I changed Maya Angelou‘s beautiful quote – “This is a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before” to apply for this new year. We’ve not seen this one, let’s look at 2022 with the excitement of a small child and see what unfolds for us. In fact I have added this quote to my morning rituals as it’s sets the tone for the day perfectly, don’t you think?
So are you up to starting your morning so your day feels magical within the first hour of waking? Yes, honest!
I still suffer from social anxiety at times. There’s my hot confession for the day! It’s nowhere near as bad as it used to be but, I think, because I haven’t seen so many people over these crazy months, it has led me to be more anxious when I do. So, these weeks leading up to Christmas are feeling a bit daunting. Do you feel anxious or suffer from social anxiety?
Below are some things I do if I find myself in the middle of a very anxious moment (this is also really helpful if you’re with someone who might be feeling frightened, agitated or worried about having a panic attack too). The important thing is to feel safe and calm.
My top 6 tips help:
1. Breathe slowly and deeply
This may seem obvious, but how many of us start to breathe high up in the chest in a shallow way when we start to become anxious? So, count slowly to 5 as you breathe in filling the lungs completely, and then 5 as you breathe out. If this is too much, try starting with 3 counts. If it works, gradually breathe out for 1 or 2 counts longer than you breathe in. This will automatically help the body to relax a little.
2. Try to think of a safe and relaxing place
This could be a favourite place in nature, somewhere you’ve been on holiday, or a beautiful garden (mine is a beach on a Greek island and Louise Hay’s was a vase of yellow roses). It helps me every time, I’m not even quite sure why!
3. Try using all 5 senses
Connecting with what you can see, touch, hear, smell and taste can bring you closer to the present moment and reduce the intensity of your anxiety. By saying out loud what you can see, hear etc really helps. By touching my sleeve or my skin when I’m really anxious, it brings me back to the now.
4. Sit with someone if you can or cuddle a cushion
Feeling someone nearby, or holding their hand or having a cuddle if it’s possible, can be calming when there is any anxiety. If you’re alone and have a dog or cat, try to stroke or even cuddle them for some physical reassurance. If that isn’t available to you either, I find cuddling a cushion is so soothing.
5. Reassure yourself that the anxiety will pass and that you will be okay
I also repeat different positive affirmations and they have helped me incredibly, especially recently with some bouts of vertigo I have been going through which have been extremely distressing – “I am safe”, “Things are always working out for me” and “I am feeling better and better” are my favourite go to affirmations.
6. Do something that helps you feel calmer
This could be going for a run, getting outside and having a walk in nature, listening and maybe dancing to music, writing in a journal, watching a favourite film or something funny on Youtube. Laughter is definitely the best medicine for so many situations and helps me get out of an anxious moment.
Let me know how you get on with the above suggestions of what to do when you feel anxious. Have you some other ideas that have helped you or someone else? If so, I’d love to hear from you. Drop me an email at; hello@lizdoyle.net.
End all forms of violence against all women and girls everywhere
This is a subject very close to my heart and if you’d like to know why, sign up for my fortnightly love letter here. As it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I needed to share my thoughts.
It certainly came as no surprise to see that there was a 33% rise in domestic violence reports under the COVID-19 lockdowns last year. I am finding it quite difficult to find sufficient words to describe how I feel about this situation. To see the amount of women (and sometimes men) living a life in despair and terror is heartbreaking.
Also, with the huge rise in domestic abuse cases being dropped in England and Wales shows that the situation is still not being taken seriously which quite frankly dismays me – https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-58910802.
Victims of alleged domestic abuse are seeing their cases dropped at a rapidly increasing rate, according to the BBC.
The time limit to charge common assault – including instances of domestic violence – is six months. Nearly 13,000 cases were dropped in England and Wales over five years after the authorities hit that limit. Campaigners say women are being denied justice and the police and prosecutors should be given more time.
What’s the answer?
As you might know by now, my message is that by changing our thinking, we can change our lives. But, I still think we need to speak out against any injustices, bullying and abuse in the world whilst still being mindful of the positive outcome we want.
So rather than just fighting domestic abuse, we can focus on a world where all humans respect and love each other. Where we accept each others’ differences and seek to heal our own mental wounds rather than lash out and make others suffer.
I’ll be honest, it feels like a big ask but has fighting war worked? I’d rather put my attention on a peaceful and loving world.
So, in my Facebook community, Love Yourself – Women Inspiring Women (to join, follow this link) on Thursday, 28th October, I will be sharing a live meditation focusing totally on women and girls who are victims of domestic abuse and how they can live a life of freedom and where they truly thrive rather than just survive (just about) day to day.
To give some practical help, I’d like to share these numbers for anyone you know who might be in need or even if you’re in need. I am also available for support if I can be of help.
Domestic Abuse National helplines
Domestic Violence Assist – Specialises in assistance to obtain emergency injunctions from being further abused.
Hourglass – The Hourglass confidential helpline provides information and support to anyone concerned about harm, abuse or exploitation of an older person.
It was such an honour to be invited as a guest on Nicky Davies’ podcast episode. We had such an amazing conversation about Louise Hay and how the mind and body are completely connected as well as spirit.
What is the Mind / Body / Spirit Connection?
We may have an understanding that this connection exists but how often do we choose to ignore the feedback our bodies are giving us in the form of pain and ailments? Listening to what our bodies are telling us can transform our lives. During my chat with Nicky, we talked about how Louise healed herself and how my Thyroid cancer was linked to how I could never speak my truth and I never felt truly heard.
We talk about this and so much more, I just loved taking part.
As Louise, herself said – “This doesn’t ‘heal’ anyone, but it does awaken within you the ability to contribute to your own healing process.”
” For us to become whole and healthy, we must balance the body, mind, and spirit. We need to take good care of our bodies. We need to have a positive attitude about ourselves and about life. And we need to have a strong spiritual connection. When these 3 things are balanced, we rejoice in living. No doctor or health practitioner can give us this unless we choose to take part in our healing process. “
Louise Hay
One might assume the mind / body / spirit connection would be obvious once we become ill, but sometimes we’re so busy chasing symptoms that we don’t really understand what is going on behind the scenes. Louises book, “You Can Heal Your Life”, lists the ailments with their possible emotional roots. It provides deep insights into how our minds and emotions affect our health. I love looking through the book on my coaching sessions as it’s incredible what comes up for my clients at this time.
Looking for a Podcast Guest?
If you’re looking for a guest for your next podcast, I’d be really happy to be featured.
I work with women, helping them to love and accept themselves more – so in addition to the mind / body connection, we could talk about our limiting beliefs, self-sabotage and lovely imposter syndrome on the podcast!!!
Email me if you want me as a guest on your podcast, or with your thoughts on the Mind / Body / Spirit Connection OR if you’d like to find out about my 6 Love Yourself Coaching Sessions ♥️ follow this link.
And in the video above, I talk about the importance of being really patient with yourself. Why not have a look at the rest of my channel for lots of inspiration ♥️
It was the 4th anniversary of Louise Hay passing on 30th August and a couple of days later I shared a small tribute with women in my private Facebook community, Love Yourself – Women Inspiring Women. To celebrate the legacy of this incredible woman was, again, such an honour. This is the link for the group if you’d like to join us. We’d love to see you there!
It was beautiful to share a little of Louise’s background and also to talk about the core foundations that she used to recover from cancer – such a remarkable story. I have received such wonderful feedback from everyone who watched it.
The Power is Within You
I am sharing what Louise had to say on her Cancer Diagnosis in her second book, The Power Is Within You.
“Then one day, seemingly out of the blue, I was diagnosed with vaginal cancer. First, I panicked. Then, I had doubts that all this stuff I was learning was valid. It was a normal and natural reaction. I thought to myself, “If I was clear and centred, I wouldn’t have the need to create the illness.” In hindsight, I think when I was diagnosed, I felt safe enough at that point to let the illness surface so that I could do something about it, rather than having it be another hidden secret that I wouldn’t know about until I was dead.
I knew too much by then to hide from myself any longer. I knew that cancer was a dis-ease of resentment that is held for a long time until it eats away at the body.
When we stifle our emotions inside of us, they have to go somewhere in the body. If we spend a lifetime stuffing things down, they will eventually manifest somewhere in the body.
I became very aware that the resentment (which my teacher had referred to so many times) within me had to do with being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused as a child. Naturally, I would have resentment. I was bitter and unforgiving of the past. I had never done any work to change or release the bitterness and let it go. When I left home, it was all I could do to forget what happened to me; I thought I had put it behind me when in actuality I had simply buried it.
When I found my metaphysical pathway, I covered up my feelings with a nice layer of spirituality and hid a lot of garbage inside me. I put a wall around myself that kept me literally out of touch with my own feelings. I didn’t know who I was or where I was. After my diagnosis, the real inner work of learning to know myself began.
Thank God, I had tools to use. I knew I needed to go within myself if I was going to make any permanent changes. Yes, the doctor could give me an operation and perhaps take care of my illness for the moment, but if I didn’t change the way I was using my thoughts and my words, I’d probably recreate it again.
I realized that I was not really progressing in my life the way I wanted to because I hadn’t really cleared out this old garbage from childhood, and I wasn’t living what I was teaching. I had to recognize the inner child inside me and work with her. My inner child needed help because she was still in great pain.
I quickly began a self-healing program in earnest. I concentrated on me totally and did little else. I became very committed to getting well.
Some of it was a little weird, yet I did it anyway. After all, this was my life on the line. It became almost a 24-hour-a-day job for the next six months. I began reading and studying everything I could find about alternative ways to heal cancer because I truly believed it could be done.
I did a nutritional cleansing program that detoxified my body from all the junk foods I had eaten for years.
I said affirmations and did visualizations and spiritual mind treatments. I did daily sessions in front of a mirror. The most difficult words to say were, “I love you, I really love you.” It took a lot of tears and a lot of breathing to get through it. When I did, it was as if I took a quantum leap.
I spent a long period of time beating pillows and screaming. It was wonderful.
It felt so good because I had never, ever had permission to do that in my life.
I don’t know which method worked; maybe a little bit of everything worked.
Most of all I was really consistent with what I did. I practised during all my waking hours. I thanked myself before I went to sleep for what I had done during the day. I affirmed that my healing process was taking place in my body while I slept, and that I would awaken in the morning bright and refreshed and feeling good. In the morning, I’d awaken and thank myself and my body for the work during the night.
I also worked on understanding and forgiveness. One of the ways was to explore my parents’ childhoods as much as I could.
I began to understand how they were treated as children, and I realised that because of the way they were brought up, they couldn’t really have done anything differently than they did.
Step by step, my growing understanding of them enabled me to start the forgiveness process.
The more I forgave my parents, the more willing I was to forgive myself. Forgiveness of ourselves is enormously important. Many of us do the same damage to the inner child that our parents did to us. We just continue the abuse, and it’s very sad. When we were children and other people mistreated us, we didn’t have many options, but when we grow up and we still mistreat the inner child, it’s disastrous.
As I forgave myself, I began to trust myself. I found that when we don’t trust life or other people, it’s really because we don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust our Higher Selves to take care of us in all situations
Eventually, I began to trust myself enough to take care of me, and I found it easier and easier to love myself once I trusted myself. My body was healing, and my heart was healing.
My spiritual growth had come in such an unexpected way. “
The work of Louise Hay addresses the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of ourselves, so it is timeless and offers us the opportunity for powerful personal transformation. The foundation of Louise’s work is, of course, loving and approving of yourself.
It was a beautiful event celebrating Louise’s legacy, and the recording is available to watch in the group and I’ve also uploaded it onto YouTube.
We finished with a Circle of Peace and Love meditation which the planet could really do with right now.
I want to give a special thanks to Meg Muir – Artist 🎨 who joined me on the zoom session and all I can say, is the synchronicity of what she shared couldn’t have been more powerful. I had no idea she was going to share what she did (even though it might look like I did!). Can I just add, Meg’s work is incredible and comes from a place of such love.
It was such a special evening – I can’t say any more than that.
♥️♥️♥️
If any of what I have talked about in this blog has affected you in any way, I would be more than happy to discuss this with you – you are not alone. Get in contact here
I know this is a generalisation but I think women tend to feel far more guilty than men when they put themselves first, or perceive that they do. I still feel guilty, at times, when I have a rest or take time for myself.
So many of us, from an early age have been conditioned to “be good” or “be nice”. Even if we didn’t quite achieve that, like me 😉, we still felt that was the truth and so to be good enough or worthy, we needed other people’s approval or validation. We can go through life trying to please people. This could be with our family, at work, in our relationships… Or even a stranger at the supermarket!
Do you want to stop feeling guilty and put yourself first?
Self-care is a complete form of self-love and if we don’t look after ourselves completely, not just as an afterthought, then we can start to become resentful, worn out or even depressed.
So, this is the time to take control and give yourself permission to do nothing for a whole hour, or a day or a week – you get the picture.
Here are 5 more things you can stop feeling guilty about
(It’s not just me, is it?!)
1. Watching rubbish telly
Not everything has to be high-brow or educational. Sit and enjoy Gogglebox if you wish, yes that’s my gorgeous go to telly programme that makes me laugh out loud which is such a joy.
2. Removing someone from your life
If there is someone in your life that is really not good for you, doesn’t nourish you, maybe undermines you, lets you down all the time, you can let them go with love.
3. Having the emotions you have
Sometimes, we feel angry, upset or fearful but then we can feel guilty for having these emotions. It’s OK to not feel OK, in other words, to feel crap. Having your feelings and expressing them (in a safe way) is so much better than pushing them down and ignoring them.
4. Asking yourself: “What’s the most loving thing that I can do for myself right now?”
And then go do it without feeling guilty! It might be as simple as drinking a glass of water, or taking a moment to close your eyes and spend 5 minutes breathing, going within. Maybe giving yourself a big hug or tell yourself you’re amazing in the mirror, get outside for some fresh air. It’s about nourishing and nurturing yourself with acts of self-love without feeling bad about it. Listen to and honour yourself. When you do what’s right for you, it’s right for everybody.
5. Having “stupid, mindless” fun!
I think having fun is a serious business and as adults, we can easily forget to have fun. Or if we do, we can start feeling guilty about it. Louise Hay, of course, talks about this in “How to Love Yourself” I’m sharing the video below on this very important subject! It creates joy, which creates more endorphins; more serotonin. This allows us to vibrate at a higher level. When we vibrate at a higher level, we open up more and more to life.
Of course, this list can go on and on. What else could you add? I’d love to know what you’d add.
If you’ve had enough of feeling guilty and would like to find out about really loving yourself every day, why not book in a confidential call with me with this link?
I am a big fan of Brené Brown and what she has to say about our feelings of being worthy of love and belonging. I want to share the fantastic quote below with you as, well, it says it all doesn’t it?
Do you think you have to keep playing small?
That you are not enough or that you can’t speak up for what you believe in?
Your values count and so do you.
” I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear: I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts.
I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armour could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short.
There are unexplored adventures ahead of you.
You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think.
You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you.
You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”
Brené Brown
You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think
Here is a wonderful recording by Brené covering the subject of our worthiness:
What I love the most about my work as a Positive Change Coach is to see the difference I make in other women’s lives. 💖
They enter a session or a programme with frustration, sadness, or desperation. As if a grey cloud is hanging over them. As the weeks go on, clarity comes to them, huge aha moments. They start living their lives with hope, they start smiling more. This can sound a bit daft but their faces start shining with happiness and optimism. It’s just beautiful.
I’m so honoured to be part of their life journey, to witness their growth. To see that they are worthy of love and belonging.
If you feel like you have been playing life small for far too long – or maybe you feel that you are never quite good enough – or if you feel you can’t speak up for what you believe in, then it might be time to see how by working with me, you can change all of that.
If you would like to find out how joining me on this journey can help you to truly love yourself and to live the life you want, just get in contact for a confidential chat.
You can either fill in the form, email me or book in a Discovery Call, using this link.
The first session with my new client the other day included Louise Hay’s mirror work which is one of my absolute favourites. Not because it makes women cry 😢😢 (but that actually is a good thing 🙏🏽), but because it really starts to get to the root of how we feel about ourselves…. What are your thoughts when you look in the mirror?
I ask my clients to look really close up into a handheld mirror and say out loud, “I love and approve of myself exactly as I am.” 🥰
Some of my clients find this really really difficult…
Then I ask – “notice your feelings and try not to judge them. Just notice what goes on when you says those words.”
Then I say:
“This might be initially uncomfortable but I’m going to ask you to carry on looking at yourself, really look into your own eyes. Resist the temptation to look away… Stay with it… Notice what you think and feel straight away… ” 😳
The exercise continues but this little bit gives you an idea of how revealing it all is….. 💚💜🌈
I shared a little of Louise Hay’s amazing Mirror Work with my Facebook community “Love Yourself – Women Inspiring Women” to celebrate her birthday. If you’d like to join, here is the link
Most of the time our biggest problem is that we do not love ourselves. A wonderful way for us to see where we stand on the issue is to use the mirror. So look in your eyes and say “I love and approve of myself exactly as I am”. Just notice what’s going on when you say that. Do you immediately criticise yourself? Notice what’s happening inside.
I look in the mirror every day, several times a day and I say to myself “I love you, I really love you”. When something wonderful happens, I say “thank you” to myself.
It is great for forgiveness too. Say to yourself “I forgive you and I love you”. Forgive other people in the mirror too. You can use the mirror to talk to people, telling them things you’re afraid to tell them in person. Tell them you want their love and approval.
We use the mirror in each of my 6 one to one Love Yourself Coaching sessions. It is so powerful and can lead to such profound changes. For more information on these sessions, follow this link.
Coming out of lockdown, here in the UK, has been amazing. Meeting friends and loved ones outside and seeing shops opening again feels so special. I still can’t believe that we are in the first week of May already!!!
However, for some, it is a very difficult time. We could still be very nervous or even fearful of venturing out and mixing with others. This is understandable and I would suggest, allow those feelings to surface and be very gentle with yourself as we move forward with life. As always, if you need to have a chat, please get in touch as I’m always happy to help in any way I can.
♥️♥️♥️
“5 Ways to Love Yourself When Life Gets Messy”
This beautiful freebie is out and I’d like to thank Claire Rowland for putting this together. Claire is a fabulous graphic designer and has helped the novice here, in getting this download together. I wanted something that would help and give value but to have it looking so beautiful too is really wonderful.
A big thank you to Maggie Duerden too for setting all the landing pages etc up for me – you are a real whiz with all things WordPress and I am very grateful for everything you do for me.
To receive the download, use this link. I would, genuinely, like to know what you think of it.
♥️♥️♥️
Inner Child Work
Here are few of the reviews I received from the Inner Child Session I ran in April. It was, as always, a privilege to share Louise’s special work and I’d like to thank the women who joined me for making it such an insightful and inspirational experience.
“Liz is a calm and caring coach, who is an expert in inner child work. Her workshop was a delight to attend. I really enjoyed the mediations which she delivered in a warm and gentle manner. This allowed me to access my inner child and communicate with this part of myself, and what this revealed was very enlightening. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend Liz, and I love it that she’s informed by the work of Louise L Hay.” Geraldine
“I attended the inner child workshop with Liz yesterday and found it incredibly insightful and a safe space to help heal past wounds. Liz is very warm and understanding and I felt I was in safe hands. We did some exercises that helped me to reconnect with my inner child in a gently, loving manner and I left the workshop feeling more relaxed with some tips on how to have some fun with my inner child. I would highly recommend anyone who is doing self development work to take a workshop with Liz to help yourself and in turn, your inner child.” Rahima
“I attended Liz’s Inner Child workshop to explore this because I had not heard of Louie Hay. Wow, powerful stuff and something I will be exploring further with Liz. The things that came up already explain how I was feeling recently and I was able to go back to my partner and say ‘so this is why I am like that!’ Thank you Liz for the free workshop to explore something I did not know about and am know glad I know!! And when life settles a little I will be back in touch!” Anonymous
If you would like to know more about my private one to one online coaching sessions for women, just use this link.
