Here is the house where my mum was born, in rural West Cork, Ireland. On walking around there recently, I was suddenly struck with what she had gone through in life to become the woman she was. I am still working on breaking those family patterns that have been passed down. It’s a journey like life itself and whilst sometimes it can be so frustrating and distressing, I am now in a place where I understand who she was and am at peace with it.

If you are able to see then it is clear that the house is a ruin now but I own the land it’s on and my dream is to rebuild it one day – you never know that dream might come true. It was a simple house, but it was home to my mum and her family.

The fourth of five daughters, my mum lost her dad when she was only 7. That loss must have been terrible for her but she never spoke of it but it explains a lot of her later behaviour in life. She didn’t share many stories about growing up in that house but she remembered the smell of the peat fire and the sound of the wind in the trees as well as the garden her father planted before he passed away.

I won’t go into my relationship with my mother here as I have shared some of the details in a previous blog – here’s the link if you want to find out more

What I do want to talk about is how we can break those family patterns, however they manifest for you.

Breaking family patterns may be the most important work you do and the most challenging.

There is an expression “no one gets out of childhood unscathed”. For a long time, I didn’t really understand that it doesn’t mean you have to have gone through major trauma as a child to be traumatised.

As I keep diving deeper into my own healing journey, I’m discovering that so many of my unhelpful patterns originate in childhood as a response to wounds and traumas or even TRAUMAs. The little Liz or Elizabeth created some survival strategies for self protection. 

As I grew up those patterns became really embedded and, of course, I had no conscious awareness that they were running the show.

It is NOT about blame

It’s about understanding yourself so you can break free from those patterns and live the life you want – authentic, safe and content.

It is easy to believe that in leaving our childhood homes and becoming adults, we have removed ourselves from harmful and self-perpetuating family patterns. But our behaviours and beliefs are still those that were impressed upon us during our youth by our parents, grandparents, teachers, other care givers and the generations that went before them.

We may find ourselves unconsciously repeating cycles of the previous generations, such as fear of having enough, not showing affection, and trust and abandonment issues. Passing on of negative patterns from one generation to the next is not a done deal. It is possible to break any negative family cycle so they cannot exert their influence any more. Letting that pattern go is just a matter of overcoming those values imprinted upon us long ago by replacing them with pure love, tolerance, and conscious awareness.  

Just think of another expression – “it runs in the family” Here is where it can run out!

Even if you have struggled with the effects of family cycles that were a reflection of the struggle previous generations were forced to endure, you can still free yourself from the effects of your family history.

The will to rid yourself of old, dark forms of energy and introduce a new loving energy may come in the form of an epiphany, like me while I was wandering near the house my mum was born in. That awareness has come after my journey of personal development and much forgiveness for my mother. I am now in a place where I totally understand her and I feel closer to her now than I ever did when she was on this earth.

You may one day simply realise that certain aspects of your early life have negatively affected your health, wealth, happiness, and ability to live the way you want.

Only when we understand how family cycles have influenced us can we gain freedom from those cycles. 

In order to truly change, you must give yourself permission to change. Breaking family patterns is not betrayal but the discovery that your ability to express your feelings and your needs grows. You will embark upon a journey towards greater well-being that can positively impact generations to come. Imagine that!

Here are some additional suggestions for breaking family patterns:

• Become aware of your family patterns. The first step to breaking a pattern is to become aware of it. Pay attention to the ways in which your family’s past is impacting your present. What behaviours, beliefs, and attitudes have you inherited from your parents, grandparents, and other ancestors? Why not put on some quiet music and write everything down?
• Choose to change. Once you are aware of your family patterns, you can choose to change them. This doesn’t mean that you have to forget your past or pretend that it didn’t happen. It simply means that you can choose to create a new future for yourself.
• Get support. Breaking family patterns can be challenging, so it’s important to get support. Talk to a coach, counsellor, or other trusted professional. You can also find support groups and online forums for people who are working to break family patterns.
• Be willing to forgive. Here is a Louise Hay affirmation that might help, “I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.” Remember that forgiveness also sets you free.
• Be patient. Don’t expect to change overnight. Just keep moving forward, one step at a time.

Breaking family patterns is possible. With time and support, you can create a new life for yourself that is free from the limitations of your past.

I am so grateful that I now truly understand my mum and to continue to forgive her and myself!

Standing in the same spot where my mum stood as a child and to imagine her life there was a powerful and loving way to break those family patterns.

If you also have or had a difficult relationship with your mother, then my Mother Wound Healing session may help you – opening the door to understanding, accepting and healing the (sometimes) complicated relationship with our mothers.

If you need to dive deeper to understand the family patterns from the past that are affecting you now, I would recommend my 6 session Love Yourself Package. It’s a journey that will give you the freedom you have been looking for.

If this touches something in you, do book a complimentary call with me to get clear on where you are now, where you are desiring to be and what is possible for you. Here is the link to book a call.