Have you ever experienced workplace bullying?
I had such an extraordinary session with my client recently where we looked at her blocks around her work life and also prosperity. In fact, the same session with another client, last week, was also really insightful. I am seeing a real pattern with a lot of my clients where they have experienced workplace bullying. This has normally been from their upline manager and their lives have been made so difficult that they felt, at the time, they had no choice but to leave. 😢
In a couple of cases, clients decided to start to work for themselves as they couldn’t face experiencing such potentially toxic and damaging treatment again.
The effect that this bullying has had on them has been so bad that they were physically unwell and psychologically traumatised for months and months afterwards. The long term effects can’t really be quantified.
By working with me, they have been able to let go of so much of the guilt and shame as well as self-blame around the whole situation or maybe situations if they encountered more than one bully.
We have been able to start to forgive the people involved and see where so many patterns have come from. To break those patterns is such a rewarding exercise.
I shared a post on LinkedIn (follow this link) which got such interesting feedback and here are what some women said:
“When I read about people’s heartache and leaving good jobs on numerous occasions, turning job offers down for more favourable environments, being able to talk about it openly and honestly on LinkedIn and it makes me feel thoughtful and interested when I think about all the children and all the young people in education and in schools that do not have this luxury and are left suffering, many of them feeling that they have only one way to escape from the bully, suffering trauma, unable to gain an education.”
My response; ” But I also wonder if us adults feel that we can speak up. From my clients’, friends’ and even from people commenting on this post’s experiences, it would seem they felt unable to speak up. They feel that the only option is to leave which is really very sad. The more we talk about it, the more we might see some changes take place. ”
Another said; ” Are the adults who are bullied in the workplace, the children and young people who was bullied in school?
I cannot imagine if one sailed through the education system without being bullied, to then come up against a bully in the workplace must be an overwhelming shock to one’s system.
On the other hand, I can imagine children and young people bullied in school and also bullied in the workplace, given they carry trauma from the past, unsure of what constructive criticism is, and on high alert for a repeat of what happened to them in school to happen again in the workplace, and many bullies will sense this.
My response; ” Your observation is quite similar to what I have found with some clients. It may have been bullying at school or from a parent/care giver and often, if we don’t deal with these patterns they can repeat themselves again and again in one way or another. “
S said; ” I seem to be a bit of a target. In fact, after the last time I left a workplace because of a bully, I swore I’d never go back to being employed in a workplace. Nearly 10 years on and I’m up for a job where I would have to go in and work with others. I’m almost inclined to turn it down even though I know I’ve got lots to offer because I’m afraid of what will happen. “
M’s comment; ” I have been bullied 3 times in the workplace, and left each time, I left good jobs. I run away from trouble.
When my Mother was dying of cancer one woman who was very controlling & opinionated upped her game and tried to put me under pressure. She manipulated other colleagues too. When Mum passed I had nothing left to give & left a job I loved. HR was dreadful, useless and my Manager was worse. I find that in my case other women’s insecurities played out and it manifested in their bullying nature. “
H commented; ” To be honest, the only way I’ve ever overcome workplace bullying was to leave! It’s so sad to think that there are so many people in jobs who feel they NEED to leave for their own mental health due to others poor behaviour.
I’ve left 2 jobs my my working life due to bullying, and at the time I thought leaving because of others, or because the company wouldn’t listen or even BELIEVE you, seems like the worst thing. But in hindsight I’ve learnt so much about working relationships and people skills that I know do consider it a blessing. “
Can you see a pattern with all of these comments? More needs to be done but looking back at the messages we received as children, at school and at home, can help us so much in interrupting these patterns.
After all of this response, I thought it would be really helpful to share this video which is an exercise I share with my clients. It’s very quick but can make a huge difference in lots of, potentially, challenging situations. Of course, this is another exercise originally shared by Louise Hay.
Blessing With Love by Louise Hay
If you have experienced workplace bullying, how bad was it and how did you overcome it? 💚
If you are seeing a pattern here and would like to break it, why not have a look at how I can help you here, and book in a chat with me, following this link.