Step into your power
Do you ever feel you have given away your power?
Or was your power taken from you many years ago and you’ve never known how to properly claim it with grace?
Do you feel that the past can come along and trigger you and you feel you’re right back there in old patterns with the same old disempowering stories?
It happens to all of us, why do you think I’m sharing this blog?!!
Some “stuff” has been happening to me recently which inspired me to share this.
By the time you’ve finished reading this, I want you to feel empowered to put a voice to the trauma and the pain.
And to also embrace your shadow.
AND to feel that you are safe to gently step into your power whatever that means to you.
Let's start by defining what I mean by gently stepping into your power
It’s not about shouting from the rooftops or demanding attention.
It’s about a quiet inner strength, a knowing that allows you to make decisions with confidence, set boundaries, and pursue your goals with grace and determination.
But that ain’t always that easy is it?
It could the people closest to us who know how to push our buttons, just trigger us in some way.
Or it might be a long distant memory that comes roaring back into our lives, and it feels like we are being de-railed.
However, we can begin again and know that we are actually far further along our path than our minds can lead us to believe.
Let’s connect with the heart and open the heart to move through any feelings of hopelessness, isolation or disconnection.
Because you are not alone. I am here, with you and for you.
So, if something I share in this blog resonates, drop me an email as this is all part of the healing and digging down a little deeper than maybe you have ever done before.
If you’re reading this, right now, I believe your higher self, led you here.
Recently, I found myself right in the middle of a trauma response that left me falling into a black, bottomless well and this still isn’t easy to admit.
None of my tools were getting me out – my inner critic was working round the clock.
I was judging myself for being in that place, despite all that I know and all of the work I’ve already done and god dammit, I share in my coaching.
I felt like I was in a purgatory of not yet becoming my true self and I felt like a fraud.
I found myself standing still.
Not being able to do anything because I was so overwhelmed by the feelings of rejection, abandonment, and isolation.
Of course, I understand this all goes back to my childhood, but these feelings can still, albeit very rarely, rear their ugly heads and send me into a downward spiral of regret, shame, and guilt.
I decided to feel all the feelings after I did a bit of hiding and numbing and freezing!!
The biggest thing that came from it was I wanted to turn up here and share some of the pain because I know these trauma responses are not only experienced by me.
I know I’m not alone feeling lost in my trauma response even if I do feel alone and confused. Or am I?
I am gently reminding myself that it’s okay to trip over the rocks on my path from time to time.
I’m also reminding myself that it’s safe for me to stop rejecting the inner parts of myself that I dislike or even despise.
I want to accept my shadow self.
It’s not easy but that’s what loving myself completely is all about, isn’t it?
So, by meditating, reflecting, and listening to courses on Inside Timer, I realised this is all part of my healing.
I’m being called to get to that deep, deep old story.
And my soul is asking me to take a moment to process – to sit with it.
I am acknowledging these sensations and trying not to judge them and that is AS important as all the active work.
Recovering parts of myself is helping to bring me more clarity but it took me a while to know what to do next.
That’s why I’m here – I wanted to turn up with all of this rawness and vulnerability.
What is your story?
What is your trauma response?
Do you live your life thinking that you have to be strong and just get on with life?
It doesn’t really work, does it?
Through the years we can be repeating the patterns from our origin story, our childhood.
Does any of what I’m about to share resonate with you? If so, declare it because you’re owning that shadow.
- Never feeling enough
- Having no compassion for yourself
- Beating yourself up with self-talk that doesnothing but disempower you (and that might be despite all the success you have achieved in your life)
- Being engulfed by fear every single day
- Feeling anxious
- People pleasing
- Never really feeling true happiness
Is it time to meet your shadows?
To feel the sadness, the fear, the anger, the shame, the regret, the guilt, the resentment…
Time to accept and feel all of those emotions?
Have true self-compassion?
Let go of judging yourself.
Actually, feeling pride for yourself and seeing who you really are?
It can be a painful process and yet a wonderful one.
Feeling truly connected and peaceful.
Being grateful and looking forward to being present in your life whether there is tragedy or happiness
Because you are never alone, even when you feel you are.
There is help if you are willing to trust and know that you are always worthy
What you have been burying so deeply and so successfully for so long is waiting to erupt.
You are uncovering those old stories that are deeply buried in your consciousness, in your body, that you might not even be really aware of.
As they are revealed, you will understand the roadblocks that are in your way.
We can't release what we don't know we're holding
Whether you have gone through a traumatic experience many, many years ago or quite recently you can come out the other side stronger understanding how you can stand in your own power.
You have the wisdom and the understanding within you.
It’s just about trusting yourself and listening to your heart, to your soul and to your higher self.
I definitely had the dark night of the soul recently and I haven’t been there in such a long time, and it was bad.
I felt I was coming undone but by sharing this with you, I am trusting that this is all part of my journey.
First of all though, we need to be patient and sit and meditate in our safe space.
That might be under your blankets and soft pillows and that’s okay. Wait and ask and meditate.
I came across this quote the other day and it really spoke to me:
“Don’t just do something, stand there.”
Originally said by the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.
There is no rush to work it all out at once – trust the process.
Then when you’re ready, ask yourself :
Is the next cycle of my life ready to begin?
Are you ready to step gently into your power?
Learn to trust again and I know that’s not easy to do if you’ve left toxic situations or relationships. Healing those old wounds takes time, sometimes a long time, I know!
Listening to the shadow gives us great insights to our stories and our patterns.
For instance:
“I am worthless if I am abandoned”
means you hold onto the fear of abandonment to avoid your lack of self esteem.
Fill in the need for worthiness by discovering the root cause embedded in your childhood.
Allow this blog to feel like a warm, comfy blanket wrapping you up so that you feel safe and cared for and cherished.
What is choosing you right now?
Don’t force yourself to make a choice about what you want the rest of your life to be.
Just get curious about the little things that are entering your field of interest right now, even if they’re not screaming out loud:
“This is the thing – choose THIS thing now”
Sometimes this in between moment is about grieving for what you’ve lost. It’s about being curious without feeling the drag of indecision or shoulding all over yourself.
Be proud of yourself. Be proud of your strength even if you feel lost and lonely, be proud of yourself.
You can change your story one step at a time
So many of us have had experiences and situations that we had to navigate during our childhood with parents who may not have been able to express or understand emotions.
After years of maybe even hating yourself, you can discover that you are your rock and you always have been throughout your entire journey.
Keep going in healing and learning to love yourself first.
Going through deep, deep pain, a pain so unbelievably deep that you didn’t know you would survive, well, it can feel that we have touched the bottom.
But you did survive.
The pain might still be there but trust that it can transform into something so beautiful.
Learning to respect yourself and to just love yourself so that you can let go all these old patterns.
But to also love yourself and be compassionate with yourself when they might reappear from time to time because they sure can!!!
Your love for yourself is growing - trust me on that!
Filling your whole self with that love and expanding and connecting to everything, to moments of pure beauty, to moments of pure grace will become more and more frequent and will last longer and longer.
BUT it is okay if the deep pain rises back up to the surface now and again.
That shadow, does it ever completely go?
I don’t think it does, but life does become easier and more joyful the more we can love ourselves.
Have you shut yourself down throughout your life to keep the peace and you might still do it?
From your childhood and now as an adult?
If so, this is the time to break through this deep-seated pattern.
This is your time to honour your own intrinsic wisdom and guidance.
It is time to speak your truth when you feel it within you.
Asking for what you need and not shrinking back even if your request is met with resistance.
When you do this, you honour yourself.
It’s time to rescue that little girl who had no voice or ability to be herself.
It can take such a long time to allow the deepest truth to surface.
My old default position was to fall into depression and feel hopeless. That feeling came back to me recently and it was hard!
Early conditioning means we can learn very early on and have a very deep subconscious belief that we cannot be our whole self. That by showing up as your true self is just too much for others.
If you felt that way as a child, you might have learned to hide your true self away by all sorts of survival strategies.
Maybe you felt you could only show up as perfect or how others need you.
Somehow being your true self was and is overwhelming for others. Or you won’t get what you really want in life because you feel unworthy.
Do you have abandonment issues?
Dealing with abandonment issues takes time.
Lots of situations can trigger feelings of abandonment or rejection.
For example, when a partner just wants some time alone or maybe a short break with friends.
Fights can start and you didn’t mean to fight about it.
It’s hard to break old fear patterns but it is possible.
Do you feel that you have to live your life so carefully, so you never upset anyone?
And then do you feel you’ve lost your authenticity, your power, your true self?
If you have difficulty in grieving or maybe crying as part of your grief, can you give yourself permission to really let go?
Feel it and sit with it and tell yourself that you love yourself for feeling all of these raw emotions.
You can step into your power with grace by embracing all of your selves - give it your best shot
The light and darkness within you.
Maybe something small has shifted within you. Maybe you’re able to close your eyes and just be.
Allow the tears to roll down your face and find that connection within you if you need to.
Opening up your heart to these deep, trapped emotions and grief that you have been carrying sets you free.
Have your own back and follow through with loving yourself.
This is how you can step out of victimhood and into your own authentic self and your own power.
When you notice yourself shying away from loving yourself, allow yourself to spend time with both your inner little self and your higher self.
Walk through the world together
Why not have morning and evening check-ins?
In the morning with your higher self and tucking your inner child into bed at night. How does that sound?
I often find that what’s holding me back is me.
This part of me that thinks I’m not worthy and believes others over myself. This part of me that stops myself from taking action out of fear.
But nowadays, I repeat my affirmations and then take action with the fear and just let it be okay.
Are you ready to let go of the person that you felt your family has wanted you to be?
Are you ready to let go of their expectations of you?
Ready to let go of their perceptions and opinions of you?
Are these opinions even true of you?
Have you noticed that your story that you’ve been telling yourself is:
“My voice doesn’t matter, and no one cares”
The truth is your voice does matter and you care. Your inner being cares for you.
You can work on rewriting these stories and any others that come up throughout your life’s journey.
Allow your deep spiritual wisdom to resonate with your own soul.
So many of my shadows have been uprooted with some people in my life recently and that has been overwhelming to say the least.
Looking at all those buried parts with that victim mentality being a big one is bloody hard!
Figuring out how to acknowledge all these shadows, some of which I didn’t even know were there.
At times, it felt it was all too late.
But I’m trying to just take the wisdom I’ve gained and integrate it to my personal growth, at the very least, and carry that forward.
Accepting accountability and stepping out of the cycles I’ve perpetuated.
When we have or had parents or care givers that weren’t there for us emotionally, it’s difficult to charter a course in life, isn’t it?
We see these patterns repeat themselves in our lives then it takes time to understand what’s going on.
It could be that you married the same kind of person and just kept excusing their behaviour for:
“What could I have done differently, so he wouldn’t behave that way?”
And it can also be so strange to have made so many changes on this self-love journey and others seem to have remained exactly where they were.
Here’s a little reminder – who you are is important and how you feel is important. Just hold on to that.
After you’ve finished reading this today, I’m going to suggest dancing with your shadow.
Now this could be to a favourite track that means a lot to you or if you’ve come across 5 Rhythm Dancing.
This is all about transformation and healing that might be for you and although I don’t know much about it, I will be investigating it further.
Slow down and Dance
Slowing down might be difficult for you but it’s necessary!
We can learn to slow down and listen to our inner wisdom and listen for guidance so that we can act and not just react.
We are responsible for our own self-care because if we don’t care for ourselves this is just another trauma response which puts us back into victimhood.
Say out loud if you can:
It’s time to learn
It’s time to transform
It’s time to heal
It’s time slow down
It’s time to laugh, shout and cry
It’s time to dance with my shadow… instead of running away from my shadow again and again… or recreating or attracting drama
Time to feel my emotions
Time to tell my story
To tell my truth
It’s time to rest
Nothing to do, just breathe.
Discover your own path that resonates with your innermost self and pursue it wholeheartedly.
Recover the missing pieces of yourself.
Trust the journey – the destination reveals itself in time, when you are ready to see it.
Make your richest relationship the one you have with yourself
Life can feel overwhelming at times and it’s easy to forget that relationship with ourselves.
We juggle responsibilities, navigate relationships, and wrestle with self-doubt.
It’s easy to feel powerless, like we’re being swept along by currents beyond our control.
But we all have the power within us to shift gears, take the wheel, and chart our own course with grace and gentleness.
This can be as simple as starting each day with a gentle check in with yourself.
“How am I feeling today? What do I need?”
It can look like setting boundaries, practising self-care and being kind to yourself in your thoughts and in your actions.
It’s the small things practised daily that create a full picture of self-love.
I shared this amazing piece from Brené Brown on my:
on Insight Timer and I thought it was perfect to share here.
MANIFESTO OF THE BRAVE AND BROKENHEARTED
“There is no greater threat to the critics and cynics and fearmongers
than those of us who are willing to fall
Because we have learned how to rise
With skinned knees and bruised hearts.
We choose owning our stories of struggle,
Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending.
When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we run from struggle, we are never free.
So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.
We will not be characters in our stories.
Not villains, not victims, not even heroes.
We are the authors of our lives.
We write our own daring endings.
We craft love from heartbreak,
Compassion from shame,
Grace from disappointment,
Courage from failure.
Showing up is our power.
Story is our way home.
Truth is our song.
We are the brave and broken-hearted.
We are rising strong.”
– Brené Brown
Such a beautiful piece…
Gently stepping into your power and owning your voice doesn’t happen on that one occasion, it’s a continuous journey.
There will be bumps along the road, sometimes bloody big ones!
But by staying committed to your growth and your authentic self, you can truly shine your light on the world.
Remember, you are worthy, you are capable, and you have the power to create a life you deserve.
Much love.
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