Number 1

Create space for yourself – this is so important. Have compassion and empathy for yourself. Holding this space for yourself to allow the disappointment, the feeling of loss or maybe even anger is really really important to help you with healing process.

Number 2

Journal your thoughts about it especially if there is stuff that has been left unsaid. Write it or type it up if you prefe. Say everything you want to say. Imagine that you’re telling that person what you think, what you feel – how they might have hurt you or betrayed you or just let you down. This is such a powerful way to deal with the rumination and all that negative self-babble that might be going on.

Number 3

Sever all contact for the immediate future. You’re not helping yourself or them by continuing any communication at the moment. It doesn’t mean that will be the case forever but for now, you need to protect yourself and step away as much as you can. Of course, this isn’t so easy to do if you’re sharing a home and/or have a family but do your best. 

Number 4

Unfollow them on all social media platforms. Don’t torture yourself by scrolling through their posts and just continuing to hurt yourself by looking at what they do. This is so important, especially if they seem to be getting on with their life really quickly and maybe even starting another relationship.

Number 5

Get support – get your friends, loved ones, family, whoever you can count on to support you during this time. After you have had the session where you go through it all, remind yourself you don’t need to go keep going over everything. Try to get out and have some fun with them, country walks, park runs, afternoon teas – do special things that might be different to what you’ve done before.

Number 6

Are you seeing a pattern with this relationship? Are you attracted to the same sort of person who really doesn’t deserve you… Did they make you feel less than you really are? This is the time to sit down and write down the sort of person you want in your life. It doesn’t have to be really long but get clear on who you want to be with and also what are your non-negotiables? What are you no longer prepared to put up with? Know your worth.

Number 7

Go to the mirror and talk to this person maybe using the words you used when you were journalling at #2. Mirror work is very powerful and has helped me so much over the years. Tell that person all the things you never got to say or that you might want to say again – don’t censor yourself. Let it all out and scream and shout if you need to. 

Number 8

Start to let it go – stuff can stay in my head for a long time. I can overthink, ruminate all sorts of stuff. I then remind myself to let it all go. If possible, try to forgive that person for not being the person you wanted them to be. Even if you’re just willing to forgive, this can be transformational with moving on and in welcoming in a fantastic, loving and empowering relationship. 

Number 9

If you were the one who was left at the end of the relationship – this is so painful and we can often ask ourselves “what’s wrong with me?” – Why not ask yourself “what I have learnt from this relationship?” – Release it with love and give yourself time to heal and be open to the future. Learn to love yourself completely – the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.

Number 10

If you’re ready for a new relationship and don’t rush this – and after you have gone through the above steps, step into your own love story. Imagine living inside your new love story now and make choices and actions based on that love story. Know that you are lovable and worthy and enough. Your very existence is more than enough to be worthy to be cherished, adored and to give that love back. There is nothing you have to do to prove this. Know it to be true.